Dear Addie,
Most days I wake up no matter how tired and think - alright I got this! Now I know what you are thinking, seems weird right that mama is hyping herself up, but hey we do what we have to do. Having said that waking up at 5:38 am to change your pee-pee sheets the first Monday of the virtual learning school year I was thinking - I don’t got this. Not even close!
At 6:30 I was still praying for the coffee to kick in and thinking what have we gotten ourselves into? And just like that by 8 am we were back to school - but a little different. Time to check in with our good old friend - Google Classroom!
Special Ed Virtual Academy has begun.
I’m going to state the obvious here - This is not ideal.
Kind of a funny thing to say right, this is not “ideal.” Or should I say this is not my conception of what perfect is rather?
Gosh, why does that sound so familiar? Oh, that’s right, You, my dear, who I love fiercely and would absolutely crawl to the end of time for are perfection, but this journey we were handed, definitely not ideal.
I know what that might sound like to those looking from the outside - how could you say such a thing?!?! The truth is because it’s true.
Being human we can't hide from our emotions. Somedays I feel like we were cheated out of the ideal family life. Don't get me wrong there's plenty of "living in the moment" moments and love to go around, but the emotional (and physical) struggles can sometimes become pretty overwhelming and exhausting beyond belief.
I’m sure many special needs parents will agree that the parenting they thought they would be doing is a far cry from the Jumanji scholar level parenting they are actually doing (on slim to no sleep mind you.)
It's just different.
*Family Night at the movies - that's funny, hard pass.
*Oh here's a restaurant we've never tried before, let's try it! - hahaha, no.
*Hey, Addie let's stay at the water's edge and build a sandcastle? WWF wrestling in hot molten lava sand anyone?
*Getting in the car to go, well, anywhere? Do we have diapers, wipes, headphones, snacks?
*Sitting with other parents watching you and your peers in a school holiday performance...still waiting.
*First Communion - not even on the radar.
*A playdate that I don't have to hold my breath, invitations to sleepovers, a conversation about ANYTHING - how many parents can say they're waiting for a conversation with their 9-year-old? I'm sure it would make anyone feel a little bit cheated.
There is no downtime - ON is the only switch.
This pandemic has been a real eye-opener for many I'm sure. Not to sound cheeky but dare I say it may have given a slight glimpse into our lives as special needs families, particularly with autism? I for one think isolation, after all, is one of the biggest challenges within our community. I like people, I miss people, I miss my friends, I miss adult interaction. It's a sacrifice we take on this journey and quite willingly for the love of our children. Stay at home and don't go anywhere - no problem here! Used to it! But while that's the easiest thing for us to do, it's not what ultimately helps you - exposure is what you need. Socialization within the real world, no matter how hard and exhausting it is. But now what?!
There have been several families as of late that have been brave enough to share the real struggles special needs families are currently facing with this pandemic. The challenges of being out of therapy and social settings like school. While we've seen some growth in socialization amongst our immediate family, we too have had our challenges. For starters you’ve started hitting yourself in the head repeatedly for reasons we're still trying to figure out, laughing uncontrollably for sometimes hours, cramming yourself into tight spaces light the tv cabinet or making a bed on top of the ductwork in a storage closet (I've lost count of the number of locks that we've recently added to keep you safe), peeing on the couch and sleep, well, you're not so interested in that lately. Surely the lack of socialization, schedule, and consistent therapy is taking its toll on your demeanor and we are just left to figure it out.
Addie the truth of the matter is we are all making choices in these unprecedented times. We are doing what we need to do even if it feels like survival mode sometimes. We as your parents put a lot of prayers and thought into our schooling choices for this fall, weighing the pros and cons but at the end of the day we made the choices and everyone in this family seems happy and ready to do what they need to do.
Is it ideal? Perfect? Probably not, but you know what, that's ok.
Perfect is not something I want any of you to strive for! Perfection is an awful lot of pressure to put on any of you this year or ever really. We need to cut ourselves some slack and focus on tenacity and doing our best. Let us lead with grace.
This is going to be a lot of work on you, me, teachers, therapists - some days are gonna suck, like really suck, and that’s ok. But you know what some days are going to be pretty awesome too and I'm going to get a front-row seat! How cool is that? Way better than any holiday school performance ;)
Addie none of this is ideal, but it’s gonna be ok - I promise. Humans are said to be the most adaptive species! Always remember that.
You know what Ad 2020 is often thought of in terms of vision. It doesn't necessarily mean perfect vision but speaks rather of the clarity and sharpness at a distance. What if the year 2020 was just that, all of us truly getting a clearer view of who we really are? What we are truly capable of when we are pushed to our limits?
This year may look a little different but you are still a very proud 4th grade Oakview Owl, but you'll just be doing it from our nest for now.
We got this! Together.
We are so proud of you and even prouder to be YOUR parents. We can make this yet another "owlsome" year, I know it!
I love you.
Mom
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