Dear Addie,
This week we started exploring something that’s caused a pit in my stomach since the day you started 5th grade. Yes. I’m talking about touring middle school. It might sound crazy, but the amount of anxiety this next chapter of our journey gives me is almost indescribable.
I know what you’re thinking, “what’s the big deal? I mean I’m killing it at this elementary school game!” and yes. You are, but the unknown of what’s next is almost paralyzing me – I guess you can say we all fear change a bit huh?
I keep trying to remind myself that 6 years ago I was feeling all the same things when you entered what is now our beloved elementary school. But it’s a hard transition among peer groups where the pressure for acceptance and dare I say popularity, bullying, and emotions run high. It’s a lot of kids trying to find their way and it can be tough. I would love to tell you that we are a culture of appreciating differences, but sometimes all it takes is one bad apple to rock the cart making someone feel less and for a parent of a child that can’t articulate their feelings or happenings at school adequately, it’s as if we as the parents have packed our own backpack of anxiety to carry through these years.
I should point out that we have hit the schooling jackpot thus far with you, I mean seriously. Amazing teaches, TA’s, and just about all your transitions went seamlessly moving between states and within the county, almost seems ridiculous that I’m actually worried, but here I am…
You see Ad, here in the great state of NC there are a plethora of schooling options. For real if you want it, it’s here! Year-round or traditional, private, magnet or charter, math-based, arts-based – it’s all here unless you’re looking for special education and then the pot shrinks significantly. For the more severe kiddos like yourself, it gets even smaller, and the idea of the perfect fit school for you weighs heavy with me.
This week I toured a potential school for you and everything was going fine until we sat down at the end to chat about who you were.
Now I’ve never been one to sugar coat anything, and not wanting the school to be blindsided by safety concerns or behavioral challenges, I started in on rattling down a rather complex and extensive list. I tried my best to sprinkle in your amazing qualities too, but again it just felt like business.
After I left, I felt kind of icky not having said greater things about you. Parental guilt was heavy as I felt I had just backed us into a corner of a special needs stereotype of existing with just a series of challenges. Literally something I try to abolish daily! Addie, it’s hard and challenging we can’t escape these things, but you’re still growing, learning and I know your potential is more than there to contribute greatly in this world.
The next day I was picking you up from school still feeling a little down about the meeting like I had truly misrepresented you and your teacher said to me “Addie was a great friend today!” Then proceeded to tell me a sweet interaction you had with a friend in class that day. Trying not to cry in front of the early bird carpool parents the list I had rattled off the night before suddenly all but disappeared.
Addie, you may have a lot of challenges my dear, but you are working hard on them every day. We may have a small pot to choose from for the perfect school for you, and if they say “you might not be the right fit” (which I should point out the school I toured did not actually say, but we have already heard from a few others) let us not be discouraged by that and know there is just something better for you and all your greatness out there.
We have no way of knowing how middle school will go for you, but I do know going in you are kind and like your teacher said a good friend. Just what I’d want a middle schooler to be.
Maybe you’re more prepared than I know.
I love you Ad.
Mom
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