A Name

Dear Addie, This journey has definitely brought us a deeper look at the world, and us humans in general almost daily. I can honestly say there are many things, from good to bad, that I never thought I would have experienced just simply by walking this path. For example... I never thought I would have to learn a different way to parent after already having two children. I never thought I’d truly understand what happy tears were until I was struck with tear-filled vision for some of the simplest of things. While some of what I never thought would happen was for the good, it’s not always that way. I never thought something as simple as going out to eat with our family would be so stressful. I never thought that there would be people out there that could be so annoyed and show such a lack of compassion for those that struggle to do everyday things. I never thought I’d see so much judgment and opinions from people that haven’t spent a single step on this journey. I never thought we’d feel unwelcome in public places. Having said that I've also been pleasantly surprised. I never thought I'd actually cry over a refill on a cup of coffee when everything suddenly seemed to fall into place at a restaurant with our party of five. I also never thought a whole restaurant would go above and beyond to make us feel welcome just by talking to you, showing their unwavering compassion, and actually learning, knowing, and using your name. I also never thought so many strangers would become our friends simply because of a connection with you my dear Addie. A name. It seems like such a simple thing doesn’t it? But it’s yours, all yours. A huge part of our identity as human beings.

It’s so often that special needs parents don’t hear their child referred to by name outside of a medical or educational setting. Rather than asking first what your name is we hear, “Can she talk?” “She doesn’t look special needs?” “Why does she do that?” “How is she handling school virtually?” It's not anyone's fault really, and it seems petty but as parents, we spend months, literally sometimes 9 months, coming up with the perfect name for our perfect bundle of joy, and then we rarely hear it. Like I said petty I know. It’s so often the first part of friendship - learning one another’s name. This is true from a child on a playground or an adult at a store, let’s say Target for example;) (I may or may not have made many friends at Target Addie.) When you become great friends Addie, sometimes you even get a nickname! Another special name just for you. Challenging for kids who struggle with communication or social communication particularly. I once had an elderly friend with Alzheimer’s that I would go to visit in the nursing home. He would always say like clockwork on every visit, "I’m sorry but I don’t remember your name?" We’d go on to discuss names and how after we learn them and become friends we often use nicknames - I said “hey good lookin!” would be just fine as we’d laugh and continue with stories he remembered of his past. Addie even in the state of his failing memories he wanted to know the name of the friendly person who kept coming to visit him. It was important to him. And it certainly made me feel special. We have grown to love a particular pancake restaurant near our happy beach place. The feeling is indescribable there where even as out of town visitors you literally feel like family over pancakes and coffee (or in your case whipped cream and lettuce!)

This place is so special to us that recently for my big 40th birthday we took the whole family there to celebrate.  I couldn’t have picked a more perfect place to feel all the love - where we are all so welcomed and every single person there knows YOUR name. No weird glares, and even with masks on we can tell by their smiling eyes they are happy to see us. I never thought that a restaurant could make you feel so loved, but here we are. Now a few weeks before this trip, Ms. Dawn the owner of the restaurant had reached out to me and asked if she could send you something. When we got home from our trip there was a package waiting for us. In it was a letter that I literally sobbed over, and a red Stack ‘Em High Pancakes And So Forth t-shirt. In the 2 page letter, it ended with, “Since we all know your name, Addie, we thought maybe you would get a kick out of knowing ours. No one knows what the future holds, but for now let’s just celebrate times and places that make our hearts happy, oh yeah - and whipped cream!” Enclosed was a shirt that the entire staff signed with their names.

Cue the uncontrollable mama tears. Addie, they didn’t have to do this. They didn’t have to show our family such love & compassion - but they did. Addie a whole restaurant of employees, 20 people to be exact, knows your smiling face, your favorite order of whipped cream, and more heartwarming, your name and now...you know theirs. One day Addie you won’t need to go in through their side door after daddy orders. You’ll stand in line and order your food like everyone else and on that day I most certainly will be crying (happy tears of course) and you will be surrounded by all your friends at Stack ‘Em High Pancakes that I know will be oh so proud of you too. My heart is full. All the feels Addie. All the feels. Love, Mom

"Unexpected kindness is the most powerful, least costly, and most underrated agent of human change." ~Bob Kerrey