A New Day

Dear Addie,

“Every day is a new day.” Staple advice I might give a new family on this journey. For me, that phrase usually comes after a day of challenging circumstances, when we’ve done the best we can, but are left feeling as if all we did was go backwards. “Let’s try again tomorrow…”

Sounds easy enough – try again tomorrow. A clean slate, right?! One would think, but in our world sometimes the uncertainty of that new day can weigh heavy, especially during times when we seem to be spiraling out of control, and edging farther and farther away from the calm and peace we long for. Farther and farther away from the world that is just going about its business around us. We hold our breath, settle into our exhaustion, hope, pray and wish for a better tomorrow…a tomorrow that’s hopefully not a Groundhogs Day of whatever we endured today, and roll the dice. A little dramatic? Maybe, but as dramatic as this may sound to some, it’s a reality for so many.

But sometimes the sunrises and it’s different.

That new day of uncertainty gives us a breath. It gives us the reminder to respect the process no matter how long & different it might look from what we think it should. It gives us what we’ve grown to not expect, and that’s not meant to sound unthankful or ungrateful, but we are expected to be “on” 100% of the time, preparing for every possible scenario. It’s exhausting – but sometimes it’s different.

This week we took a breath.

You sat on the shore. Let me say that again. You SAT on the shore. Still. Patient. Calm. Listening to the direction given to you (instead of running full force into the waves). Something I never thought I’d see.

You left the beach upright and walking unassisted, without reenacting an alligator rolling while attacking its pray. A far cry from the scene last week where a complete stranger, that just happen to be a special needs teacher, had to help us (daddy was working) during one of your patented WWF smackdown style beach meltdowns. It’s quite an exciting spectacle. “Are you ready to RUMBLE????” We should charge for tickets to watch…

This week after years of trying, you finally embraced the IPAD. An object you held strong associations with for school. That may sound like a crazy goal, but this week I was able to take a shower, use the bathroom and have a few minutes of alone time without you because you found something interesting to play with (or watch rather) on the IPAD – score! Something parents of toddlers can relate to.

The new day brought us less. Less screaming, fighting and crying, which in retrospect was a gift of so much more.

Addie, the sun rose on a new day, that turned into a new week, significantly dialed down than where we’ve been the past few weeks. These probably seemed like “no big deal” to others, but for those of us that experience that spiraling feeling often, it WAS a big deal. We may not know how long it’ll last, but we are very thankful for this new day.

Love you sweet girl.

Mom