Dear Addie,
I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a parent that gets excited about going to the doctor, let alone taking one of their kids. Now I may be wrong, but I imagine we all feel very similar about this parenting chapter of "doctor visits." Now for those of us that got that extra addendum of parental journey less traveled to our life's story, I hate to even admit this, but I've grown accustomed to only going to the doctor with you when something seems to be wrong. In full disclosure seeking medical advice in this fashion can make the whole experience feel a bit unsettling.
Now as a special needs family, one could say that doctor and therapist offices are our home away from home. And while that may be true, it doesn't mean we look forward to going to them. Of course, it often results in getting answers to questions we had, but it comes with a battle. There's the anticipation of a struggle that can fatigue a parent before even arriving. True story. And that's just the parent's perspective.
Now insert the child's perspective on things.
We teach you all from a young age about "stranger danger" ...oh but that is except this person you don't know that’s probably going to invade your personal space to check your eyes, ears, or throat. Now sit still.
Oye. Sounds a little hypocritical doesn't it?
Now as if that's not an odd enough experience for a neurotypical child, children who are on the spectrum, like you Ad, often have anxiety and sensory struggles with touch and invasion of their personal space, so it can make for an inevitable "fight or flight" scene very quickly. I don't believe there is a single special needs parent that wants to put their kids through such a thing. Period. Part of the reason it's so common for us to put off appointments like the dentist or eye doctor until completely necessary. Nothing like throwing that whole exposure is key theory right out the window right?
Well, with the onset of virtual schooling we had started noticing some odd eye movement behaviors that seem to require a more professional point of view (ha! no pun intended).
Now with COVID and the implementation of only one parent allowed at most offices, daddy was the obvious parent of choice having a career in the eye industry. It certainly had nothing to do with the fact that I feel slightly uncomfortable around eyes, eye drops, or eye anatomy ;). I know such a weird tidbit about me and ironic given daddy's job, but hey I also don't like belly buttons so maybe the eye thing isn’t that weird?!
Anyway, where was I?
Ah yes, the eye Dr.
Now having made our appointment through DUKE you'd think we'd be pretty familiar with the facilities seeing that's where the autism clinic is that we go to, but DUKE is huge and that's key to the first part of this adventure.
The day had finally come, you were dressed in your epic crayon shirt I made for almost no reason the previous day (last week's letter), daddy & you had parked, masked up, and began walking through the DUKE Medical Center.
Now just for reference at the DUKE autism clinic you literally park, walk-in, the elevator is only steps away, and it opens directly to the office. But this wasn't anything like that. Daddy said you walked, and walked, and walked, over the river and through the woods, just kidding Addie, but you get the idea – it was a long walk. Following lines on the wall to your destination only to reach the eye center to be told you weren't quite there yet, and to follow more wall lines to a pediatric eye center down the hall and around the corner. Having probably reached a steps goal for the day and quite possibly questioning why there was no finish line tape to breakthrough in this marathon to find the office, you finally arrived, 15 minutes after parking . Phew!
You sat unexpectedly calm for an unknown environment only mildly stimming as you waited to be called back. Once you checked in everything moved rather swiftly and that is saying a lot of a thorough eye exam that can take a few hours.
Your name was called and you followed a very nice and friendly lady back to an exam room. Still showing no signs of distress walking there, I'm pretty sure daddy was still wondering when the ball was going to drop on this adventure? As you got to the room it looked every ounce of what a doctor's office would look like. Cream-colored walls, carpet tiles, metal diagnostic equipment, and dark grayish-black reclinable pleather exam chair, and a box of tissues sitting what in past years would've been way to close for comfort (for your fear of the nose blowing sound which can cause mass hysteria) next to the exam chair.
You were still shockingly calm, quietly taking it all in.
At this point nurse Rachel had come over to start the preliminary assessment of your vision, clearly, this was when the ball would drop right? Wrong. You let her shine lights in your eyes and you even executed the Snellen Chart Exam (identifying letters from a chart across the room) like a champ!
Well, this was going shockingly well. Addie, we are always game for pleasant surprises, so thank you.
Having finished the initial stages of the appointment, it was time to get down to business and dilate your eyes. Time for eye drops (something mommy wouldn't have been able to witness, again I know weird). I'm pretty sure everyone was thinking this actually wasn't going to be that bad at this point because you had already done so well with everything else. The ball couldn't possibly drop here! Wrong. Time to prove your strength.
Poor nurse Rachel discovered just how strong you were as you played a game of "try and get these drops in my eyes!" Mark it folks - the ball was dropping, I repeat the ball was dropping! Wowza! With one eye done, dad wrestled with you for the next 10 minutes to get the next eye and thankfully succeeded. As an interesting observation from daddy, you didn't ever "meltdown" but fought rather. There was no screaming or crying it was just using your strength to defend your space. A different reaction than we would've seen at a doctor's office in the past.
With the recent wrestling match that took place and the eye drops given at different times meant your eyes also dilated at different rates making mommy quite alarmed when I was sent a picture of one huge pupil and one small one...then I was given the play by play from daddy and understood.
Now with eye drops on board, it was a waiting game to which you starting stimming more and showing some unease probably with your vision changing.
The waiting seemed to go by rather quickly and it was finally time to see the doctor now that both pupils were the same size meaning nurse Rachel and daddy got enough drops in! Go team go & thank goodness! You were in the home stretch now! I think all fingers were crossed at this point as there really was no telling just how this was going to go.
This time you were a bit squirmy sitting in your pleather exam chair, but you still allowed the doctor to invade your space enough to get a good look at your retinas. Success! Even setting your chin in nicely to complete the autorefractor portion of the exam. Luckily for everyone involved your demeanor at this point was showing no evidence of the wrestling match that had occurred here earlier. You were just another kid getting their eyes checked.
When all was said and done you got a report of 20/20 vision and no signs of any abnormalities. The eye behavior we saw was said to be either from boredom or staring too long at the computer screen. And the best part, other than a clean bill of vision health, was we didn't need to come back anytime soon - and check! One less Dr. appointment follow-up!
With it being a cloudy rainy day, your mood good and you killing it for spirit week dressed like a storybook character (a crayon from the crayon books), we gave it a go at dropping you off at school. With every effort for your comfort from a snack, to lights off, to Ms. Michelle’s sunglasses (your teachers are the best of the best Ad) it was just too much for your little dilated eyes to handle, so I picked you up only 45 mins after dropping you off. You went straight up to your room to hide under your sheets in the dark to take a nap. Much deserved baby girl, much deserved.
So you managed yet another of what oftentimes can be a dreaded specialty doctor appointment in my book like a champ, and while you didn’t take home the title of wrestling champion on this day (those drops still made it in your eyes) - you were still a winner with how well you handled everything and your perfect vision.
Great job Ad.
Love,
Mom
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