Advice

Dear Addie,

For those of us navigating this journey, we find ourselves seeking advice at just about every stage on our path, not only to those walking with us, or ahead of us, but sometimes to those walking behind us. Everyone’s journey is different Addie. Like so many first-time parents our greatest resources are often those that have been there and done that. Now having said that, I am often asked what advice I can give newbies to the autism journey?

In this question I find myself sifting through 10 years of thoughts and experiences, and looking for that “one thing” that I wish someone would have told me sooner.

There’s a lot we don’t know going into this and in those beginning minutes, hours, days, and years you are quite frankly sure you are on a road going somewhere, but you don't know where. There are no street lights and you're pretty sure of nothing but the fact that you're probably making every wrong turn.

With time we become scholars of our own lives, by learning from nights of endless research, doctors, therapists, and perhaps more importantly – L I V I N G. Living our lives my dear… .

The lessons come at us fast and furious, and you discover all of the best advice has nothing to do with autism, but maybe just being human and living the live you are blessed to live.

We’ve only been here for 10 years, but here’s some of what I’ve discovered thus far.

Silence can sometimes be the loudest sound you will ever hear. Pay attention and listen to it.

We weren’t chosen to take this journey because we have exceptional patience - not even close, it comes with a lot of testing, and time.

Trust your gut, it’s usually right.

You will somehow survive not sleeping. Promise.

It’s OK to not have the answers.

Never underestimate a good pair of sweatpants - OK wait, that's probably just me ;)

But I think the best most meaningful advice I've ever heard was -Take a Walk. Sounds simple enough right? And it came from someone who is living and walking this journey right along with us, your daddy.

I know what you’re thinking, seriously, take a walk? How is that so great?

Well, you see Ad, it’s not just taking a walk, it’s a reset to a situation.

Some days are just off and this isn’t just for you – it’s like that sometimes for all of us. Even the happiest person on earth feels “off” sometimes. That is a fact Ad. For you, this world can sometimes feel as if it wasn’t made for you. Your days are often filled with coping from a heavy amount of sensory & auditory assaults, and let’s add in the communication challenges that you struggle with daily. It can be overwhelming and exhausting to say the least, and we (yes I said we) can both get rather frustrated. But what do we do when we seem to be teetering on the edge of falling apart? Take a walk.

You see Addie, we live in a society where multitasking and perfection seem to be required skills to possess in leading a successful life. We get so caught up in it that we forget to prioritize, and everything becomes a jumbled mess. As parents, we can even get caught up in passing this onto our children in expecting perfection in school, rather than allowing the grace to learn and grow. There’s a lot of stress that comes with that, and it can affect not only your mental health but your physical health all the same. In the moment we don’t feel anything but the pressure and it’s up to us to recognize when it’s building up.

Take a walk.

Sounds easy enough right?! It should be, but we need to be extra careful not to fall into the trap of making it just a meaningless exercise to check off your list. You need to be present and take it in. I promise you there is truth in this, and it’s amazing to see what a quick 5-minute change of scenery can do to reset your energy leaving you with more clarity of manageable expectations for the tasks at hand.

There have been multiple studies on the effects of nature and walking when stressed out. It has proven abilities in lowering stress, blood pressure, and heart rate, all while boosting creativity, mood, and focus. Who doesn’t want that?! Nature's calming stimuli can be just the reset we all need.

Now sometimes we can’t catch a fight or flight meltdown in time, and we just have to ride it out. In those moments, your "walk" ends up being a drive in the car, or simply taking a bath. We can’t always breathe in nature, but we can change the scene, and that in of itself will help us refocus if we are stuck or feel like we’ve been treading water.

So my greatest advice is actually to simply “take a walk” & the special secret is that it was given to me by none other than the love of my life, your daddy. We really did hit the jackpot with him, baby girl ;).

We will take lots of walks together Addie, because it’s OK to step away from a situation and take a breath… and sometimes it's just what we need.

I love you.

Love,

Mom