Dear Addie,
The fourth of July – dare I say, the most overstimulating holiday of the year? Noises, lights, smells, and crowds all contribute to what can make for a very challenging night, or who am I kidding week, for anyone with sensory issues or autism. While I like to say our lives are predictably unpredictable in how experiences will be perceived and reacted to, you crave predictability in almost everything you do. Just about anyone with anxiety probably does. When we go to the beach, it means we are going swimming. When we go to the park, it means we are going to swing. When we go to McDonald's, we get cheeseburgers. When we get ice cream, it should be chocolate or brown, as you call it. Most humans are a creature of habit, and while spontaneity is exciting, the excitement can be a lot to handle or painful if it is full of sensory assaults that are triggering, which brings us to this week—the week of America's birthday. A party most autism families, no matter how patriotic, would gladly decline to attend.
Exposure is Key – Fourth of July Edition, deep breaths, very deep breaths.
Before I begin, this particular 4th of July exposure was not a jump into the deep end kind of thing. This has been about 10-12 years, very slowly, in the making. It was abundantly clear early on, well before any autism or sensory processing diagnosis, that loud noises and crowds upset you resulting in our fair share of meltdowns and "fight or flight" moments. We have spent many holidays watching fireworks from inside the house, slowly inching our way outside, still far away from any public display, taking great care in recognizing the smallest amount of stress that may be bubbling to the surface and ensuring an easy & safe exit. It's important to note that the exposure is key method is not a one-and-done kind of thing; it often takes many attempts to see any positive result, which, if I'm being honest, can be exhausting and challenging for all involved. But were we finally ready for this event?
Deep breaths.
Let me set the scene.
Visiting our happy beach place for the week meant the fireworks extravaganza would take place at the pier, where we would all gather along the sandy beach for prime public viewing. Daddy and I walked down a few hours before to scope out the scene, where we discovered this would be no joke of a crowd as a ridiculous number of vacant chairs and blankets had already been set up. I guess just being me, I thought immediately of the exit strategy and then how complicated that would be to clean up all the chairs, blankets, and coolers, making a mass exit in the pitch dark. We decided if we were going to do this, it would be on a less is best approach, enjoying nature's sandy seat, sitting close to the beach access. We lucked out after all in the sensory department as you don't seem to have any aversions to sand - Yay us!
As the night grew darker, it was time to venture down to find our sandy beach spot. In your true, predictably unpredictable form, you were already yelling "avocado" about every ten feet in a rather stern fashion, so we were all unsure about how all this was going to go down; seeing it was, we had no idea why you were yelling that. We made it to the beach and sat, but we still had about 30 minutes before the big show, so it was anyone's game right now. You sat quietly, burying your fingers in the sand, never once running for the water as we watched several people drag all the chairs they could've possibly owned through the sand to set up camp. Not gonna lie Ad, I was still feeling pretty good about our sitting in the sand decision, just saying. Then right on time, BOOM, the fireworks lit up the sky! I looked over to make sure you were ok, and you were just staring at the delight of it all. You sat for the next 20 minutes in awe at the whole scene, showing no sign of stress or anxiety.
When the show finished, you stimmed with joy as we got up and walked back home with zero issues.
Addie, this was the first year we have ever sat through a public display of fireworks as a party of five (well, six as Papa was with us – Nana stayed back to look after the scared pups). We are so unbelievably proud of how well you did and all the hard work it took to get to this very moment.
Keep working hard, baby girl!
Love,
Mom
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