Dear Addie,
I read the funniest article the other day about the different types of moms. The article went on to explain each in a hilarious fashion with the PTA mom, the parenting expert mom, hot mess mom (I’ll proudly take that title) the all natural mama, the hipster mom and last but not least the always late not quite sure what day it is mom.
While the article was funny, you can’t help but think you’ve met at least one of all these mamas and no matter how different we are, we all need each other and at the end of the day we all love our kids the whole world full making us wildly the same.
This got me thinking, what kind of mom was I?!
Addie I’ve decided I’m the behind the scenes mom. Not seen, but life keeps moving mama.
Might need some explanation right?!
I’m not quite sure if I was just maybe a little extra tired (didn’t know that was even possible) or what this week, but as I was making coffee the other morning before anyone was awake and I started over thinking life. Yep, at 6am mark it - It’s never too early to overthink things.
On this day, brother Gabe had an away basketball game and you therapy. I swear at this point in our lives we could write a book series on “the divide and conquer of parenting."
Me, the mama, being the master of all schedules (that yes, I manage to screw up from time to time), needed to make two working parents schedules, after school activities, therapy and some crazy logistics somehow dance in sync with one another...and go. I’m sure many families with multiple children (heck maybe even one child) can relate to this mind bending strategizing, unpaid Uber driver lifestyle. This right here is our current normal in this season of life. Busy. People tell me all the time, I will miss these times, and while that may be true, we are probably on a journey of lifelong driving to therapy so...
But yes, I understand what they are saying.
Now don’t get me wrong, I'm not complaining about being busy having been blessed with this amazing family...not even close! There is a level of “normalcy” for your siblings (all of you really) that I would do anything for, but sometimes it comes with a price on, well in this scenario - me.
Again this is not an oh poor me thing, it’s just a reality of special needs parenting that most might not know.
Addie I don’t think there’s a parent out there that doesn’t want to support their child in whatever it is they are doing. Dance, basketball, band - to watch your child learn something new is truly an amazing part of parenting. You know how excited we get when you do new things - right baby? Well it’s the same for Clara and Gabe as well. But on this journey “who needs what” more often takes priority and logistically after school activities would have you and I together 99% of the time.
With 3 different schools that couldn’t be farther away from each other, and 3 different times for drop off and pick up at that - God has blessed us with this amazing village that steps in to help without explanation or question whenever we need it. Seriously though! I think God was like - hey you’re gonna really need this A-Team of people to pull off life, so here ya go! Good luck!
Gabe has started playing basketball. First year on a school team - kind of a big deal and we are super proud of him, but logistically it’s flat out chaotic. I have had to call in favors to get him here, there and everywhere an almost embarrassing amount of times and thank goodness we have an amazing aftercare program at his school, because it’s been a life saver as well - like for real.
Now here’s the hard part, the games. While you’re making great progress on going out to more and more activities, behavior is still predictably unpredictable. It’s easy to say screw it, go, work through it, but I’m not there for Gabe then and that’s just not fair. There’s also a unique relationship that your siblings have with you that while others just hear your noises, Gabe can decipher this type of communication and can tell when you’re stressed or angry, leaving him less focused on the game and more so on you. It’s just not something you can turn off - it’s part of who we are.
As the mama, my commitment to him often falls in making sure his uniform (school and basketball) is clean and ready to go, there’s food for him to eat, rides for him to get where he needs to be, and endless words of encouragement. I give what I can and hope it’s enough so he knows he’s supported. Dad goes as often as he can, but travel makes things tricky, so I’m often left with our village who steps in with pictures, videos and telling me all the fun details of Gabe’s playing time. Truly a blessing, but there’s no denying it’d be nice to see for myself.
With a game late enough I could make it in time after your pick up, dad and I decided to meet there (daddy was literally coming from the airport) and tag team if you needed to step out. I canceled therapy and we were going to do this! Basketball here we come! Go Gabe go!
The unfamiliar 45 min drive started showing signs of anxiousness in you. The stimming was becoming louder and more frequent the more time had passed.
We arrived and your teeth started to chatter (like you’re super chilly, but you’re not) this is a new sign I’ve noticed when you are anxious about something. We were a little early so we sat in the car to regroup a bit before walking in.
As luck would have it, the home team’s booster club was selling pom poms and this seemed like the perfect distraction/sensory toy we needed for this event! Score - I think.
Armed with poms poms and some “a shocklets” (those are chocolates or M&M’s) we were ready to face whistle blowing - your least favorite auditory assault, and basketball - your favorite sport to play. Fingers crossed we don’t take out a referee in a “fight or flight” auditory induced moment or decide to rush the court and become part of the team. Deep breaths, let’s do this!
We walked in and up the bleachers to see many friendly, familiar faces. We sat, not exactly quietly, but the pom poms and m&ms seemed to be doing the trick for at least a bit. There we were sitting at a game, and watching Gabe play - very well at that! So far, so good.
It was short lived before you decided you needed to leave, heading back to the lobby. We would go back and forth a number of times before finally just staying in the lobby. The good news in all this besides the calories I burned going up and down the bleachers - we saw Gabe play a lot at that! There wasn’t a ton of people there so it was easy to keep an eye on you
and the best part Gabe was having a great game & I could watch from the lobby.
He even made a shot (I missed that taking you to the bathroom). They won their first game Ad and how exciting was it that we were both there for it? ...and that you didn’t take out any refs?!
Addie, our life is crazy. Absolutely no other way to put it, but while I might just be the behind the scenes mama, I’m super proud of all of you and it makes it extra special when I do finally get a front row seat in watching you all do what you love.
I love you all.
Love,
Mom
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