Blessings

Dear Addie, On the first day of Christmas (break) autism gave to me... a "Wreck It Ralph" sized meltdown over pee... True story. If you ask any special needs family (that still has carpet in their house), steam cleaning is basically a daily event. In fact, I myself probably go through at least one steam cleaner a year. They don’t build them to be used as much as we use them. This journey brings with it plenty of things not many people talk about, and with that there is a fair amount of drool, vomit, spit out medicine, blood, in your case a bunch of discarded orange carcasses, pee (so much pee), and let us not forget the other...and where might all this find it’s resting place??? Basically any soft surface, anything not easily wiped up, primarily carpet. Ahhhhhh. On this day I had noticed that our precious beagle companion decided your room was comparable to being outside and peed right where you had freshly lined up (in no particular order, rhyme, or reason) all your toys. I knew straight out of the gates this was going to be no easy feat to clean, but it was necessary and obviously needed to be done rather quickly. With luck on my side (if only for this moment in this scenario), you had made your way downstairs and outside to swing shortly after I had discovered this chore- I jumped at the chance! Unfortunately, I had to move the toy line up and pick up everything just to make a clean pass with the steam cleaner. So yes, I basically cleaned your room. Oh the horror! Something during the average school day I’ve been known to do and while you are always displeased when discovering the newfound cleanliness when you return home - this was a whole new ball game of displeasure.

You see Addie when you’re at school and I clean your room you are getting a great amount of necessary stimulation and structure that can help curb potential meltdowns and better deal with your emotions when you get home. But now with having had the structure and routine from school back in our lives and now a break - we are officially in chaos mode again. You took one step in your room and lost it! The next 30 min were a screaming, throwing, crying (sobbing) nightmare. I really felt bad baby, because I am greatly aware at how much it stresses you out to have your room “messed up” (or as we call it “clean”), and that was really the last thing I wanted for you, but I just couldn't let you sit and play around piddle. It's gross. Day 1 - You were clearly agitated and struggling with emotions, but we are blessed with the roof over our heads, love, and our health. On the second day of Christmas (break) autism gave to me... a meltdown while we were driving in the street... Seriously Ad?! It seemed like a good idea to get you out of the house for a change of scenery. We were going to drop off some gifts to a few of our friends porches. A calm activity of riding in the car, sounds easy enough right?! Wrong. Having your own personal Lewis and Clark navigation skill, you thought the route we were taking (and you weren’t wrong) was taking us to the beach. That was until I got off at a different exit, and then all your confusion and anxiety set in motion as you had no idea what was going on. Insert van meltdown while driving.

Luckily for us, it was short-lived and we were saved by 20 minutes of baby shark. Yes, that baby shark. Yes, 20 minutes. Day 2 - Still agitated and craving structure so much that with a simple change of course driving around town it stressed you out. But we are blessed with the means to travel, love, and our health. Deep breaths. On the third day of Christmas (break) autism gave to me... a morning that started rather snuggly...

Phew. Wait, have we finally turned the corner?! Has calm finally found us?! Please, please, please. A Christmas miracle?!

This day was filled with plenty of outdoor swinging. A sign that you were indeed trying to self regulate and find your inner peace and calm. I marvel at these moments baby girl, when you are doing what your body is telling you it needs. Self-care at the young age of 9 (almost 10.) It’s truly something to watch. And while today brought less agitation, your auditory sensitivity wasn’t in the mood for Ruby barking and it sprung two mini meltdowns over it. Day 3 - Still working through some agitation and auditory distress, but blessed with the education of self-regulating techniques, love, and our health. On the 4th day of Christmas (break) autism gave to me... a morning full of nothing but glee. Yeah! That’s right Ad, today was your perfect day! A gloomy, rainy, relatively warm Christmas Eve morning. Odd right? Not for you! Swinging in the rain is your all-time favorite and just the Christmas cheer you needed! Today was a really good day.

I think it's safe to say that this year has been pretty junky to put it mildly, and we once again had to adapt to a new routine, a routine that would bring most excitement and joy. While our adaptation to this holiday break brought us our fair share of challenges, we didn't let the chaos and stress of those challenges lead us astray in forgetting all our blessings. Addie life is tough and I'm not going to pretend it's not (especially this year), but remember the blessings Addie, always remember our blessings. Merry Christmas sweet girl.

Love,

Mom

Swinging literally all day long.