Dear Addie,
Last week I talked a lot about the journey of life resembling a rose bush. Climbing through thrones of challenges in our lives, some sharper than others, to eventually make it to the where the prize of beautiful blooms await us. How long we get to sit up there we never know, but I’m happy to say this week we are still enjoying the view and fragrance from the top.
You had yet another amazing week Addie!
It’s funny how we can easily fall into what we think is comfortable. In no way can I sit here and say this journey has been a piece of cake. Nope, not for you, not for me, not any of us. But we are in this together One Team, One Dream and that will never change Addie.
We have somehow become comfortable with just always being uncomfortable (oxymoron, right?!), and waiting to diffuse situations that have come to the forefront. Or sometimes we just lay in wait preparing ourselves for what’s to come. I wouldn’t say it’s an anxious-free way of living, but it’s what we know.
Sitting at the top, smelling the roses the past few weeks has made me realize that we can easily forget what we had grown so accustomed to. Sometimes without any warning I’ll think “hey remember when this was hard - when did that change?” I can probably best describe it as the same feeling when parents look at their babies and think “when did they grow up so fast?!”
Everything changes in the blink of an eye.
This week we were heading to church. You were dressed in a “hand me down“ dress of Clara’s (one she wore last year as a matter of fact!), and we took our usual spots in the lobby only armed with a small toy and a pull-up. No bag of tricks to keep you occupied, or a pantry’s worth of snacks, nope just two things – I think you did however sneak in a koosh ball from the car unbeknownst to us.
There you sat, looking around at the scene, just listening to mass, stimming and fidgeting with your toy. A small baby began to cry and you just looked at them. There was a time when this scenario would’ve caused a “fight or flight” response in a heartbeat! The sound and pitch of babies crying or cooing was once one of your greatest auditory assaults, but not today Addie. Today it was just an inquisitive glance. How far we’ve come.
Gabe needed to get a drink and you just watched him walk away. There was no panic of separation and subsequent screaming - which would’ve been your typical reaction. You just stayed laser-focused in the direction he headed until he eventually returned.
There was no retreating to the car or walking outside, today we sat patiently. Now I do realize what we see as an amazing experience is all about perspective because while patient yes, “quiet” is not exactly how I’d describe it. You see Addie, you have recently learned and taken a liking to belching and not even church was spared on that front. There was a whole lot of belching (very lady-like...oye) followed by your sweet voice saying “excuse mes” every time. Lucky for us we were still sitting in the lobby amongst a very understanding crowd.
After church we were on our way home and daddy had pulled into a car wash. I, all of a sudden, had become so comfortable with smelling the roses that I forgot how much you HATED car washes as we were entering. Surely this was when our petals would fall right?!
This is it. Time to start climbing again.
For as long as I can remember you jump feet first into a stage 10 meltdown in car washes! So much so I don’t even bother anymore. Seriously though I don’t really blame you, they are kind of scary with a whole lot to process.
Entering a tunnel, you can’t see the exit to, suddenly being sprayed with water and multicolored soap only to be slapped around and swallowed by a giant octopus looking scrubby. This particular wash had changing colored lights throughout making for a “clubbing” type of experience. Then it’s all topped off with the dryers that sound like you’re stuck in an airplane engine. A straight up auditory and sensory nightmare. A very “enter at your own risk” experience for you!
Daddy decided that today was as good a day as any to give this a shot. Here goes nothing!
With no turning back, we started rolling in. You sat and stared. With each changing phase from water, to soap, to the octopus slapping us around and eating us, your eyes only looked side to side while your head remained forward. You stimmed here and there and at one point slowly moved your hands up to cover your ears, but seemed to stop short.
As fast as it started, it was over. You made it through without any outward expression of fear or anxiety. There was no crying, screaming, drooling - nothing.
It was amazing!
Addie I was so impressed I wanted to head straight to the airport and just fly somewhere – anywhere at all. I feel we are actually creeping closer to that goal baby girl 😉
I know we’ll have more climbing to do, but you are really making some great progress Addie!
I could definitely get used to this type of calm in your life.
Our world is opening up!
Keep working hard baby girl!
Love,
Mom
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