Dear Addie,
You’ve always had a quiet observance about you. It’s true, years of being nonverbal and it seemed as if you were just soaking up our every waking movement waiting to execute what you were witnessing on your own terms, and dare I say it’s generally at an unexpected time for the rest of us? This week you tried your hand, oye - once again, at cooking, and let’s just say it didn’t go so well.
If I’m being honest sometimes, I sit back and observe you doing things and you’ll be doing something that I thought at one point in time would never have happened. Something that we spent hours, weeks, months, and years practicing. Something that when I least expected it all that doubt, and hard work suddenly seems like a memory as I watch you effortlessly perform said task at hand like you’ve been doing it forever.
As parents, I think there is a love/hate relationship with teaching our kids independence. On one hand, we want them to thrive in learning & mastering skills to not need us, but then on the other hand we still want to be needed. It’s a crazy thing baby girl. In the special needs world, it can be a little different as there is a reality that as parents we will always be needed or you will need assistance in some shape or form when we are no longer here and able to provide that for you, but that doesn’t mean we give up on providing opportunities for you to learn and master skills of independence.
I am absolutely no expert, but what I have found in this gaining of independence game is that step one is “embracing the error.” Everything is a learning process. Every – single - thing Ad, and it’s never usually perfect the first time. It’s ok to make mistakes in this process. Remember a baby bird usually falls out of the nest before it learns to fly.
Now embracing the error can be a little easier said than done. Our knee-jerk reaction as parents is to make sure that doesn’t happen again, but it should really be trying to figure out why it happened in the first place and finding the teachable moment from there.
This week you once again flooded our stove with milk. If I’m being honest, it’s a scene that requires many deep, meditative breaths and of course a lot of paper towels. After that, I can get to work overthinking everything per usual. I don’t want to brag but seriously overthinking is my specialty.
First its, oh my goodness, what just happened?! Then upon further inspection, I notice the saucepan in that mess of milk and all the ingredients to make mac-n-cheese on the counter – right down to the flour to make the rue. You were trying to make mac-n-cheese! Now as embarrassing as this might sound this has happened 3 times now, not necessarily for mac-n-cheese but with other meal ingredients as well. Luckily for safety reasons our stove is always locked – thank goodness. Having said that, the first thought is to add a lock to the fridge. Yay more locks because our house isn’t already like Fort Knox enough? Did you catch the sarcasm there? I mean we have locks on many things in our house why not add another?
Problem solved – right?!
Well, “my” problem of cleaning up and buying more milk is solved, but it didn’t get to figuring out the why and that lock also removes some of that independence you have worked so hard to gain. If I add a lock to the fridge, you can no longer get your own snacks, something you do very well and appropriately. Not to mention the psychological component of creating a food hoarding situation – something we are already struggling with a bit.
Side note: when I make mac-n-cheese everyone loves it! So much so you are worried you won’t get enough, and lately, you have been serving yourself three separate plates at a time (literally). Funny yes to us bystanders, but there’s real anxiety and worry for you happening there. Not to mention the locks around the house are for your protection, for example, the laundry room because you like to lick the fabric softener cup and our doors and windows because of your elopement ninja skills.
So, a lock doesn’t seem to be the answer.
After some deep thought in this I’ve realized you know the ingredients that basically go into anything I cook; oils, kinds of vinegar, spices – you know it all. That goes back to those unique observing skills we saw so early on in your life. Perhaps you just need to have a further hand in actually cooking with me? Not just with pulling ingredients, that you’ve already mastered, but in actually measuring and making what we are eating. More sense of ownership and independence. In other words, teaching you exactly step by step how much of each product we use – in a safe environment with mommy of course.
So, after yet another milky mess, we’ve embraced the error, and are now setting off on what I loving like to call “Cooking with Addie” in hopes to teach you a little more appropriately how to use the milk😊 …oh and we will be buying in half gallons in the meantime 😉
Stay tuned.
Love,
Mom
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