Daddy

Dear Addie,

I just want to start by saying you have the best daddy ever. Like ever, ever.

I know what you are thinking, “well, duh mommy...” But while he shows us daily how much he loves and cares for all of us, some moments just leave me in awe of his love and devotion to not only this family but to you in particular my sweet love.

Before I get to the reason for my wonderful reminder about daddy, I need to back up just a bit to Christmas, then post Christmas - your birthday - New Years' beach trip. Phew! Say that 3x’s fast! The end of the year is full of celebrations for us my dear, and you clearly decided to kick it up a notch.

You see Addie, this journey can leave us in so much wonder. We find ourselves saying, “I wonder when you will do or say...” fill in the blank, quite often. Now let me be clear, though it’s always a “when” and never “if” because we are confident you will accomplish everything, just on your own time. We just know it. Remember that.

Now where was I? Ah yes, let’s start with our first big holiday surprise Christmas morning. Historically a sensory overload when you're seen more in your room than with the family. Now I will say last year you made some really good progress and stayed downstairs with us for a good amount of time, but this year - you were all in! Even tearing open your own presents without assistance like a champ! Dare I say it was a small taste of what a neurotypical party of 5 family must feel like on Christmas day?

Amazing Addie!

Next up your birthday and a change of scenery as we headed to your happy place, the beach! As we spent the day exploring the OBX (outside and socially distanced) I looked back at you, Clara, and Gabe and thought - we are a family of all big kids now. My mama heart almost couldn’t handle the fact that you, our baby, was officially in the double digits! When did this happen?! I feel like just yesterday you were 8 months old escaping your crib. I was equal parts so proud of just who you were becoming in this life, and saddened that all of a sudden it felt like someone hit fast forward and it was all just whizzing by at lightning speed.

But enough about my mess of emotions it was your birthday! Yay!

Now for someone that talks a big game about cake like you do, you actually prefer whipped cream instead of cake. So not to disappoint on your special day, that’s exactly what you got and the rest of us scored ice cream sundaes ;).

With a giant mountain of whipped cream topped with candles all a glow, we watched you blow them out with no help. No help Addie. Years of therapy for something some may find seemingly simple and it all paid off! We didn’t have to tell you when or how to do it - you just did it. Maybe not the smoothest of transitions but none-the-less you did it!

Now I’m not sure what you wished for, but with the extinguishment of those flames a sense of calm and a sudden burst of language has welcomed you into your 10th year of life.

We’ll take it!

With all the excitement of the holidays and birthdays behind us, it was time to say goodbye to our beloved beach and head back to reality.

The car ride home was uneventful and filled with stimming, playing with your toys, and singing...OK well you didn’t do much singing it was really Gabe and me, but you didn’t complain so all was good.

When we got home I still had a famous Neil Diamond song stuck in my head from our recent car ride karaoke session, one that for obvious reasons we changed the name of. As you were standing next to me in the kitchen I looked at you while multi-tasking unpacking something that I can’t even remember and started singing “Sweet...” to which you without hesitation you sang back “Adeline...”

Wait what?!?! We all immediately stopped what we were doing! It was so exciting! And yes we prompted you to do it like 15 more times it was so cool. You even added the bah, bah, bah (not sure how to spell that part of the song?!).

I know what you are thinking when does this become about my daddy? I promise I'm getting there.

Now with the whole house rejoicing in your recent language burst through song, it was time for our bedtime routine shower, meds, jammies, bed - or at least that was supposed to be the plan...

Fresh in your jammies and a wee bit drowsy from the nighttime meds, you came downstairs and went straight out into the garage. Wondering what you were doing I quickly followed you and when you walked back in you simply said “blankie?” Now with years of experience having no language, this would tell us you wanted back in the van with your adventure to the garage because you thought you left blankie in there.

I thought alright, no problem, easy peasy, we can get it!

We both made our way out to the van, you stood in the driveway while I climbed around inside. I looked everywhere, but...Houston we have a problem.

When I came out empty-handed my heart broke as you looked at me with the saddest puppy dog eyes ever and softly said “a blankie?” You knew I had not found it, and the worst part was I now knew where it was left... the beach.

Now what?! You communicated so nicely and I had nothing for you. I couldn’t save the day here.

Knowing time wasn’t on our side here we had to think of a plan B which brought us to the bottom of a closet where Gabe's “baby box” resides. He was the only other child in our family that had a satin edge soft blankie and not just one but two! Could this work?!

As Gabe dug through the box and pulled out both blankets I said something I thought I’d never say as a parent, “which one is dirtier - get that one!”

It's true, your blankie is indeed straight out of the book of Linus, Ad.

With both being as white as a ghost with cleanliness I wasn’t 100% sure this was going to work.

Gabe picked one and handed it to you. You examined it then gently tossed it to the floor. Being the amazing big brother he is, Gabe picked it up and handed it back saying it’s OK Addie, just try it.

In full disclosure, my mama heart almost exploded with love watching Gabe hand over what was his baby blanket to you in your time of need.

It seemed as if you really understood and heard Gabe's words as you walked off looking every ounce of defeated and sad to your bedroom before closing the door gently behind you.

After about 10 min I went in to check on you and you were fast asleep snuggled with Gabe's old blanket. I exhaled are this point because I knew even if it was only for tonight we were going to get some sleep.

Before daddy and I retired to bed that evening we had some serious discussion about your beloved blankie. The role it has played and is currently playing in the past 10 years and present day. It has been your calm when anxious, your security when uncertain, your sidekick if you will for 10 years now. Was this the time to let go? To move on? Well, I might not be the one to say anything here because my blankie (or what’s left of it) is in a ziplock bag in my nightstand. Yes, I just admitted that.

With some back and forth on how this should all play out there were no answers to it at the moment so we went to sleep.

The next morning I was up and enjoying my quiet cup of coffee on the couch when a fully dressed, shoes and all daddy came down with you (also dressed) in tow.

I asked where y’all were going and he simply said “to get blankie.”

Your daddy, without a second thought, decided to hit the road (with you) and drive 6+ hours round trip to get your beloved blankie. My eyes immediately felt misty.