Dear Addie,
I walked over to the counter to check out the half-eaten charcuterie board daddy made. Side note: I hope I never have to read this letter aloud to you because I cannot say that word no matter how hard I try – it’s meat & cheese Ad, just meat-and-cheese. Charcuterie is a French derivative meaning, literally, cooked flesh, and referring to the practice of using all parts of an animal for possible consumption. Sound delightful? I’m guessing it was hard to get people to eat it if they said, “Hey you want some cooked flesh?” so charcuterie stuck…but where was I... Next to the cooked flesh (and cheese) was a beautiful display of shrimp with cocktail sauce. And, next to that was a mess of half-eaten Doritos sprinkled about the counter (evidence you were there) and one clearly had been dipped in the cocktail sauce. I mean nothing sauce the holidays like Doritos and cocktail sauce, am I right? I wonder what the French word for that is? Gross or should I say “brute?” Looking at this scene it summed up the week so far.
Allow me to explain.
You see Addie, this is the week of Christmas, a week I literally wait for all year. Seriously, if one of those Christmas towns in the Hallmark movies were real and it really was the Christmas season year-round, I’d totally make daddy become mayor of the town and move us there! I start shopping in June, Christmas tree goes up November 1, there’s a deeper connection in our faith, we always find new charities and small businesses to support, the holiday family magic planning begins, I love every second of it and now it’s go-time! The week to see if I get it all right after planning for so long. But for whatever reason, I felt it necessary to make sure this Christmas was extra special. With everyone getting older I know that realistically things will change in our family, COVID is still rearing its ugly head, and making sure everyone looks back on it in a positive manner has somehow consumed me. If I’m being honest, I think it consumes a lot of special needs families, even sans COVID, because everything is just different for us.
I know what you’re thinking, seriously mom it can’t possibly be that different? Oh my dear, but it is…
Well for starters, “if” we get invited to a holiday party (and decide to go) it’s a divide and conquer on securing the hostess decorations – there’s a reason we don’t have ornaments or porcelain nativity scenes in our house. Not to mention ensuring you don’t find the laundry room to kindly run their washer or snack on laundry soap, oh and do they have small pets? There is a pretty epic story about you taking our neighbors bird out of the cage and sitting on the porch petting it while it looked scared to death. The bird lived, thank God. Shopping is another hard pass with you right now. It’s way too busy to try and work through sensory challenges, need we forget Mariah Carey? While 4/5 of us love her Christmas classic blaring almost everywhere, you can’t stand it and make your feelings quite know – cue the holiday parade a few weeks ago that Gabe was in. You sat so nicely waiting for the parade to begin and the first song had to be that one and you were outta there! But I digress. The holidays have their challenges. But this was the week. The week of family magic! It was gonna be great! I planned on it!
*Photo: Happy parade ready Addie
*Photo: Mad at Mariah Addie
Spoiler alert – I’m a mess.
Ahhhhh. Having everyone home has somehow made just about every day this week feel like Sunday! I totally spaced on therapy appointments, not ideal which left our beloved therapist to squeeze you in to what was available (bless them), I also spaced on remembering trash day - HUGE no no the week before Christmas and to any family still changing diapers! Not to mention I have an all-around feeling of being 10 steps behind what I had envisioned this week to be, full of gingerbread houses, a crazy amount of baking, and family games. With it looking like midnight at 6 pm every night I’m struggling even to stay awake long enough to watch Dateline and if you know me you know how much I like a good mystery… it’s official – I’m mentally exhausted, but mental exhaustion wasn’t part of this week?! NOOOOOO!
So, there I stood looking at the cocktail sauce dipped Dorito. Dad, Gabe, and a crocheting Clara were all snuggled into the living room watching a movie and you were outside in the dark, in freezing rain happily swinging. As much as that Dorito looked like a party gone wrong, everything was right. Everyone was happy, everyone was together, just as the week was intended.
Sometimes it takes some cocktail sauce and an artificial nacho cheese-covered tortilla to just realize you can try and plan the magic all you want, but it might be best to sit back and just let it all happen on its own.
It’s not about fancy meat boards, the presents, or overly planned series of events. It’s about togetherness and however that may look like in these times.
Our life is crazy, but it’s ours and I’m so grateful we get to do it all together. One Team, One Dream. Now let’s get back to baking.
Love,
Mom
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