Goodbye Swan

Dear Addie,

We are in a new developmental chapter in our lives, one I naïvely thought with so much you still depend on us for, we would get a free pass on in the drama and attitude department, but here we are diving headfirst into the deep end of “pre-adolescence.” The chapter of self-identity and an increased feeling of one’s independence.

This journey is interesting, to say the least. As children, you are all constantly being measured on a chart that tells us what you should be doing by a certain age. A chart that I’m sure was created to help, inadvertently and unbeknownst to tired and fresh new parents, puts a lot of pressure on them from day one. I remember thinking that chart was such garbage and looking for the chart that went with the type of child you were after it said the amount of sleep newborns should be getting. “Excuse me, waiter, I’ll take the chart that indicates newborns sleep a total of like 3-4 hours a day – and an IV drip of coffee, thanks.” If that scenario was true Ad, this is the point where the waiter would’ve told me he was out of that and the restaurant was closing oh, and good luck on your journey! Bye-bye!

The past few weeks we’ve noticed you pulling away from us a bit. Not in a crazy defiant way, but subtle things. There are no spontaneous snuggles, or putting your feet in our laps indicating you want to see which piggies went to the market & who stayed home? If we try to hold your hand you promptly shake our grasp loose giving off a bit of an “I can do it” vibe. Instead of walking with mom & dad, you’d rather walk next to Clara & Gabe (still holding your favorite hard plastic toddler book of course.) This past Sunday I was rubbing your back at church when you were agitated by a sound causing some distress and you pushed my hand away – seemingly wanting to work it out on your own, taking self-regulation seriously in the “self” department I suppose. You’ve been spending a bit more time behind closed doors lining up toys or watching roller coaster simulation videos on your iPad (true story) with a (hilarious in my opinion) response of “goodbye swan!” if we open the door to check on you. Don’t get me wrong, you’re not angry or sullen, but just seem to have developed a sudden burst of maturity and urge for independence. Clara and Gabe jokingly refer to it as you just being a big 5th grader now.

Addie I’m not going to lie, I’m equal parts proud and a little sad at this chapter. You’re growing up, and even measuring up on the infamous preadolescent development chart. Now don’t get me wrong, the sadness is just an emotion we as parents will feel, wanting to keep our babies somehow babies forever, and you being the last in the lineup makes it even more bittersweet. Ad now don’t read my sadness as an opportunity to stop potty training because I’m totally fine with you using the toilet on a consistent basis any time now - I promise!

You’re growing up baby girl and while you are navigating this next chapter of independence just remember mommy and daddy are still right here for you if you need reminding on which piggies did what 😉.

Love you.

Mom