Dear Addie,
I sat there in the warm sand watching you all and thinking - one day, not too far from now, it’ll all be different. Hard for you to imagine I know, but as parents we strive to raise our children to be unique, successful, independent, kind people and every single day we are inching closer to our family dynamic as we know it being different. A different we have been preparing our children for quite some time. Every single day you are all gaining more independence and making decisions & choices that are laying foundations for your young adult lives. But with our journey as it is – you stay with us longer and will see & feel the change right along with us. One day sitting here beachside we’ll be just 4 and then a party of 3.
But I digress…
There you all were at the beach - you taking a sensory break from swimming that we’ve coined “homework time” (when you come out of the water to write chosen words in the sand effectively changing the stimuli around you in an attempt of not getting over stimulated from one thing), Gabe forever training – today doing beach yoga, and Clara unapologetically & effortlessly plucking sand crabs from beneath the wet sand like she’s the next Steve Irwin - all doing different things but yet feeling ever so connected in the warmth of the sun as a family.
It was an overwhelming feeling of calm and happiness - one I was certain a few years ago, or heck a few months ago we’d never experience as a “calm” memory. Everything just felt right and I was so in love with it all, but somehow, I couldn’t help but feel change was coming.
Change. Life is a series of changes, right? From growth, to experiences or challenges, to even the weather, change is all around and part of us. It’s the one thing that we can’t avoid.
Truth. If I could freeze time right here I would. Not something I’m sure you’d hear a lot of parents say when raising teenagers and a pre-teen with special needs at that, but here we are - 11, 14 & 16 and I couldn’t be more in love with this time. You see Addie our life has seemed somewhat chaotic up until now from moving as much as we have (something I’d never change as it all shaped the people we are now), to your diagnosis leading us on the journey we wander today. I think it’s actually safe to say the chaos never left, but perhaps, rather there just came a time when we came to peace with it. It was a lot to take in but do not be mistaken when I speak of life being chaotic – living in chaos didn’t and doesn’t mean there wasn’t joy in it all – there was and is an abundance of that too.
This calm I was witnessing, this trip with SO many firsts for you, perhaps it was all some imaginary high five from the parenting gods preparing us for the change that’s coming. The next realm of parenting where independence on a different level comes into play. Driving, jobs, socializing – it’ll be different, but that’s ok.
This scene before us will look different in just a few short years because we as parents have been preparing you all for life outside of our grasp. You will stay longer, and being the youngest will to bear witness to this change I’m talking about right along with us, but when your sister and brother are away from us – living their best lives in the years ahead with all we’ve prepared them for, we can only hope that they are loving something as much as I love this very moment… and they’ll still want to tell us all about it 😉.
I read a quote the other night that spoke volumes about how I feel at this stage of our lives… “The days are long, but the years fly by…”
I felt that to my core—all of that.
One day it will all be different, but the love for our dream team will never change.
Love,
Mom
Comentários