Dear Addie,
From November 1st to the end of the year, our life is full of colorful Christmas lights, eating turkey, and an overall sense and act of giving. It’s at this time of year where I can say I am “Happy as a Clam.”
I know what you’re probably thinking, mom how do you know the emotions of a clam? What do Christmas lights have to do with ocean shellfish, and do clams eat turkey or something? Ok so, yeah, that does sound confusing. Add that phrase to the list of many reasons why the English language is so hard to grasp.
In actuality Ad, the phrase has been shortened over time making it even more confusing! Most of us use it without actually knowing its meaning. The whole phrase is actually “happy as a clam at high tide,” because at high tide the water is deeper and much harder for anyone to dig them up, leaving low tide a vulnerable state of being for the clam. Now the next confusing part - why do I relate to a clam? Truth, we all do at some point in time.
Allow me to explain.
I love the Christmas season. Like really love it. It’s sugar and spice and everything nice and I think after 16 years of marriage, I’ve officially won daddy over at getting our tree up earlier and earlier 😉.
There’s a sense of warmth and love that is almost indescribable and the hunt for the perfect gift is my favorite (and probably about the only type of hunting you’ll ever see me do). This week I found myself standing in the preschool toy section at Target finishing up some Christmas shopping (yes, I said finishing – I start very early because I like to spend more time baking… but I digress) and it hit me, low tide. I suddenly felt vulnerable to my emotions. You see Addie I was shopping for you, my almost 11-year-old daughter in a section intended for someone far younger than you.
There I was looking for large piece, brightly colored, fine motor-educationally friendly toys. My mind suddenly started to wander far from where I stood. Like really far. Would we always be shopping in this aisle? Has our progress stalled somehow? Who would buy these gifts for you when mommy and daddy no longer could? It was enough that my eyes started to fill with tears. This low tide can bring you from happy to anxious, scared, depressed, and uncertain in just one wave crashing on the shore.
I think a lot of people go through this low tide, going about their day suddenly seeing something that reminds them of their vulnerable emotions. While it’s a magical time of year, it can be particularly hard for those that have lost loved ones and yearn to share in the joy of the season with them. Whatever the reason that brings one this vulnerability, the important thing to remember when this type of tide rolls through is to allow yourself to embrace those feelings and keep in mind high tide will come again. You can sit in the shallow waters, it’s human nature and we have a right to feel all of our emotions, but don’t let yourself drown there Addie, learn to swim in the deep end.
I stood in that aisle with my emotions feeling light years away from where I was, but then I was reminded that we were blessed with each other, this family, its uniqueness, a loving community of support, our health, and with how chaotic most of our days are there’s simplicity in it.
I love you, Addie.
Mom
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