More Than Paint

Dear Addie,

And there you were standing in front of me as I was surrounded by a sea of mismatched socks and 1000 other ADHD style 1/2 done home cleaning & organizing projects (literally the only way I do anything these days - looks a lot worse before it gets better, but I digress…) you plopped down on the mountain of socks in front of me and said “paint.” Now having lived the journey of one-word conversations for quite some time I had to dive a little deeper here to decide if you were telling me you found paint, got into some paint, or wanted to paint. A quick glance at the lack of paint on your body meant my first question was safe to be that of the latter “do you want to paint?” You replied, “paint yeah.”

Now full transparency there is great growth in parenthood and a previous less seasoned mom version of myself would’ve said not right now, maybe later, because I couldn’t fathom creating yet another thing in the chaos of cleaning I had already made for myself - let alone something as messy as paint! Luckily I’ve aged like a crumbly cheese and know now that time with our kids is fleeting special needs or not when a reclusive teen or preteen wants to do something - we do it. All the chores, tasks, or chaos I created for myself can wait, I mean Oprah's not visiting anytime soon and even at that, I bet she has a dust bunny or two scurrying about her house.

With some quick thinking big brother Gabe and I set the scene up in the bathtub as you methodically selected your paints. Canvas placed, paints picked, tubby confinement - let’s paint!

You carefully told me each color you wanted first (all colors of the rainbow mind you) and then proceeded to block all paint from being dispersed onto the canvas with your hands, happily squeezing it between your fingers before carefully smearing it on your face.

After each color was effectively used, you stood up gingerly opened the bathroom cabinet as if not to get paint everywhere, and asked for "a wipe." I cleaned you all up and you then proceeded to head to my bathroom, turned the hot water on, and laid down on the shower floor, that's when it suddenly all made sense, this wasn’t a mama let’s paint for fun moment this was a fulfilling a sensory need moment and YOU were identifying and controlling what you needed in these moments.

You see Addie the first diagnosis we ever received was for a sensory processing disorder or SPD for short. This would spawn a lifelong journey of what’s called a sensory diet or a series of sensory experiences that help adjust sensory input allowing you to regulate and calm your mind & body.

Now just as a healthy diet consists of various foods, a sensory diet is much of the same only with activities. Swinging, swimming, running, weighted blankets, sensory brushes, painting, bubbles - the list is a mile long. We all need sensory input to function in life, Addie. Consciously or subconsciously we all do something every day to help regulate ourselves. Tapping a pencil during a test to help think through answers or sitting in a hot tub to dissolve stress it’s all connected to our sensory system. Neurotypical individuals naturally seek out sensory input that allows them to wear tags on their shirts for instance with little to no problem or hear loud noises without a fight or flight response. Some people like yourself baby girl just need so much more and don’t naturally know how to do that and/or have the ability to request assistance when needed so a sensory diet is usually put in place and often implemented when a caregiver sees signs it's needed. This brings me back to you asking to paint.

You knew what you needed and you advocated for yourself at the moment before it escalated into icky feelings. It might not seem like much to some, but this was huge growth for us.

Great job Ad, I'm very proud of you.

Love,

Mom