Dear Addie,
It's been almost 7 years now since you started school as just a wee bit of a pre K-3er. I remember that day like it was yesterday, you were all smiles and mama was terrified. I mean, of course, you’d be scared without me right?! And how was this all going to go exactly? Who was going to understand your wants and needs without words? You were nonverbal for crying out loud! Would I be judged on my parenting skills seeing how you weren’t yet potty trained (still fighting that one Ad…)? There was a laundry list of doubts but this was also when my first wave of mommy guilt crept in, as I was now free from parental duties while you were off gaining valuable knowledge - if only for a few hours a day. It might sound funny but it was exhilarating and exciting to have time alone but somehow felt, well, just wrong. I know now it was kind of a dumb thing to feel guilt over and for the record, I literally used that time to catch up on housework and grocery shopping. Nothing truly exciting or worthy of writing home about. Somehow in those few hours, the juggling of chaos didn't exist. I’d grown so accustomed to splitting my attention and multitasking my day that I almost didn’t know how to function sans chaos! Who would've seen that coming? I guess it’s a really good thing we decided to get a puppy because God forbid I get used to some sort calm!
(Insert a heavy dose of sarcasm baby girl. Don't worry we recognized we really don't like calm by adding a second dog years later to ensure chaos ensued.)
While that time seems eons ago it also feels like I blinked and 7 years literally flew by. Here you are a big (seriously larger than most) 4th grader. Almost double digits in age! With this journey having a level of unpredictability like no other there was no way I could have ever imagined where we would be today developmentally, educationally, or quite literally geographically for that matter! I honestly would’ve laughed if someone had told me I’d be helping facilitate school from our craft room at this point in your life, but here we are.
Something I've come realized in this unprecedented school era of your life...the countless evaluations, IEP meetings, paperwork, teacher conferences, therapies, tears, second-guessing myself daily - all of it equally daunting in their moments, were all worth it as we sit here today.
This week I didn’t drop you off and just hope for a great day - I was present for it. I’ve watched you transition back to school in a way we never imagined - a virtual classroom. Once again learning right along with you in life on how to navigate technology and quite literally sitting next to you. Addie I truly believe at some point parents are going to start thinking this is a crazy science experiment to see how confused we can get. Remember when Common Core Math was a thing (or maybe it still is... oye, that was awful)? Just carry the one! But I digress… now where was I? Oh yes, virtual classrooms - and while it is certainly not an ideal situation, you, my dear are killing it! Continuing to surprise us every single day. My over ambitious potty training mission on the other hand...yikes. Not yet…
Addie, this week wasn't all roses (especially in the sleep and potty training department) side note: I'm VERY happy to report with some med adjustments we are finally back on track sleeping - Praise the Lord! Putting all that aside we somehow seemed to settle into our new normal that looked wildly different than anything in the last 7 years rather seamlessly. I have to wonder if this life of chaos and so many life lessons of somehow learning not to just survive but giving all we have to truly thrive when odds seem to be stacked against us has prepared us for this chapter? I know not all of our days will be perfect and I am very well aware that a lot of people in our special needs community are struggling, but at this moment, and even if it is only for a moment, I feel we finally have the upper hand in all this. Even if it's only short-lived - I'll take it.
Keep thriving baby girl!
Love,
Mom
*A little math addition review
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