Dear Addie,
A feeling. I think it’s often a feeling that ultimately, we respond to with a memory. Our memories can leave us with a spectrum of “feelings,” but if we’re lucky the ones we remember most are the ones that left us with feeling love, happiness, safe, or at peace.
Sometimes it’s a single mundane object that transports us to those memory-induced feelings, for example, for me one of those objects is an Egg McMuffin wrapper. Weird right? Or is it just kind of awesome that something that is seemingly garbage reminds me of one of the absolute greatest days of my life? I’m gonna go with awesome on this one…
You see Ad, on the day that daddy and I got married we went to McDonald's for a quick breakfast – my choice. I know what you are thinking, that was a quick flashback, Ok, so Egg McMuffin wrapper in hand - but that’s not the memory-induced feeling yet. With a series of errands to run that morning, we ate on the go, ending up in a parking lot to finish our delicacy of a breakfast before heading inside to our next destination. Ok so parking with the wrapper in hand – nope, still not the memory. It wasn’t until daddy crumpled his wrapper in his fist and tried to throw in the McDonald’s bag by my feet that this day became a lasting memory of joy, love, and laughter. Me, obviously completely engulfed in devouring my sandwich didn’t see the wrapper in his hand and I thought he was coming in for a fist bump. Yes Addie, with my egg McMuffin in one hand & mouth full, I repeatedly (like 3 times) bumped dad’s fist invertedly stopping him from throwing his garbage in the bag. It wasn’t until the third time that he looked at me very confused and asked me what I was doing? Now me confused I asked him what he was doing and he then indicated he was just trying to throw away his wrapper, unfolding his hand to show me. I busted into laughter. The kind of laughing where your stomach hurts and you’re crying because you’re laughing so hard. Dad still looking every bit of confused by my actions, and now my uncontrollable laughter waited patiently for me to regain composure. I then told him I thought he wanted to “be on my team.” You know, like a team player fist bump? Addie why on earth I thought dad wanted to start fist-bumping, something we’ve never done before, on our wedding day in a parking lot, after eating McDonald’s I don’t know, but we still laugh today about daddy’s attempt at throwing away garbage turning into the start of our OTOD. So yes, an egg McMuffin wrapper makes me smile and transports me back to one of the greatest days of my life every time.
And now I bet you’re wondering what this has to do with you?
Well, about a month ago I think you discovered your own memory-inducing mundane object – a princess sippy cup.
Here’s the thing Ad, as parents sometimes we create these memory boxes for our kids, I guess in the hope that one day they’ll want to look back at them years from now and see pacifiers they once used or the first little league trophy they won. Come to think about it maybe these boxes are more for the parents, but I digress…
With you, the struggle was real eating and drinking. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to eat or drink but the act of doing so with muscle movement was physically challenging. Not uncommon with individuals on the spectrum. You were transitioned to a sippy cup (which took a hot minute) and then the struggle of figuring out the positioning of your tongue and lips to actually use a cup became all too real and would take years of practice and therapy to accomplish. It wasn’t until you were 5 almost 6 years old that you were able to do such a thing with ease. BUT, it's important to note you did it – so great job baby girl!
Once you were able to accomplish such a task, we knew we needed to lose the sippy cup, but this would also prove to be hard because you seemed to be just as attached to this as you were your beloved blankie! Over time and with one tough love weekend, we had finished up our sippy cup chapter and it was ready to make its way to the memory box – because I thought gosh these princess cups had been with us for so long, they practically earned a spot in the box. So, of the four (identical) cups I had saved one way up high in a kitchen shelf to eventually make its way upstairs to the memory box.
OK so in full disclosure I put that cup up in the cabinet years ago. Yes, you read that right - years ago. I have cleaned the cabinet I don’t know how many times and I keep just putting it back up there, reminding myself that I need to put it in the box, the spot it so lovingly earned after all these years. I’m not a hoarder, it’s just a task that somehow keeps getting put off – like a lot. I’m sure there’s some deep psychological reason why I keep putting it off or forgetting, but this is your story, not mine.
So, about a month ago you were sitting in the kitchen as I was putting dishes away and the infamous cabinet in question was open. You walked over to the cabinet with purpose, looked at me, and said “Milk.” Side note: you would ONLY drink milk when you were younger and ONLY from that princess sippy cup. You have not had a glass or cup of milk since giving up the princess cup and now here you were, standing in front of me asking for milk. Shocker here, but I had forgotten that cup was even up there so, at this point, I had no idea the princess cup had anything to do with this sudden request for milk. Confused, but yet intrigued I got a plastic cup down and proceeded to get the milk from the fridge. As I was getting the milk out, you stopped me and pushed the milk jug back in the fridge, closing the door, then repeating “Milk.” Now really confused I opened the fridge again to which you promptly closed it. You then took my hand, held it up towards the cabinet, and said “Milk?” I backed up to see the top of the cabinet and then it all clicked – you wanted the cup.
A flurry of “what if’s” flashed through my head as I thought of the ramifications of retrieving it for you. Good or bad my curiosity ultimately got the best of me and I climbed up there to get it down. For some reason “predictably unpredictable” was steady in my thoughts and I really didn’t think you’d want me to fill it with milk since you kept putting the milk away. I got the cup down, you looked at it with such joy and then immediately ran off to your room.
I’m happy to report that you have not once in a month asked me to fill it with milk, instead, you hold it tight to your chest at night right along with your blanket. That plastic princess cup I believe has been a memory-induced feeling of peace and calm that you remembered. It wasn’t about the milk, but the way it made you feel. I’ve moved the cup a bunch within your room when cleaning, changing sheets, or making your bed and it always winds up right back next to blankie awaiting nighttime snuggles.
Addie snuggling a hard plastic cup to sleep at night isn’t exactly my idea of peace and calm, but then again, I’m sure not many find joy, love, and laughter over McDonald’s garbage either. Yet another reminder of how alike we are with our feelings, but yet uniquely different in how they are triggered.
I never would have imagined that the princess sippy cup would make a reappearance in your story, bringing new life to its old familiar feelings.
So here we are princess cup part Deux. Sleep tight baby girl.
Love you Ad.
Mom
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