Dear Addie,
And then it wasn’t OK anymore.
We’ve been in quarantine for longer than most with you having had a pretty severe bout of an illness right before the floor really fell out on the country.
No strangers to being home, the first few weeks were an adjustment, perhaps feeling a bit like an early summer vacation and with that -- luckily we had no major meltdowns.
While luck has indeed been on our side, and there has still been no catostophic meltdowns that I can speak of (God bless - but I do feel a boiling point coming if I’m being honest), the lack of structure is starting to get to you and keeping us on our toes a little extra these days.
You see Addie, for the last seven and a half years or so you’ve had therapy in some fashion or another. Rain or shine, summer or fall - we go. Speech, occupational, music, ABA we’ve done it all. It’s probably even a pretty fair statement to say that Clara and Gabe have done a decent amount of their homework from a therapy waiting room at that, but I digress...
That routine, the structure of therapy has been absent from your day to day and it’s starting to wear on you and inadvertently - us.
Your mood is changing for starters. You are agitated very quickly and not shy about letting anyone else know about it. Another thing I've noticed is that your language is digressing too (to say the least), with you only stating “I want...” and then just staring at me as if I’m the language wizard that can just fill in the blank! You're clearly bored, or perhaps just testing out your new comedian skills with your newfound love of hiding grapes in my coffee pot. Yes... you read that correct.
But probably the most notable of changes has been your extreme sensory seeking which is really challenging us to find new ways to keep up with your sensory diet. So much so that you’ve even tried to take matters into your own hands! Oye.
Now, like most adults during this unprecedented time, I’m sure social distancing has brought on some much needed organization around the house. You know, the things we always say we wish we had time for? Well here’s our chance right?! With this in mind, last week I decided I was going to tackle the pantry. I’m embarrassed to even admit it, but this was (and has always been) a hot mess and was going to be no easy task! With mommy knee deep in sorting canned soup, cereal and baking supplies, you sneakily snatched a box of spaghetti out from under me. One might think - what would you want with a box of pasta?
The answer to that deserves a few facts about you first.
If anyone truly knows you, they know that you like to swing outside with the hose spraying up at you like your very own personal rain storm! Like a modern day Gene Kelly Singin' in the Rain, only you’re Addie Swingin' in the Hose!
Interesting fact, did you know that they mixed milk in the water when Gene Kelly filmed that iconic scene? The milk helped the rain show up better on camera seeing it was a black and white film. Cool huh?! But I feel I might regret telling you that somehow...
Back to the pasta.
What were you going to do with this box of pasta? Well, most autistic families I’d bet have a number of sensory outputs inside and outside their house. You my dear have a platform swing in your room as one of our inside sensory outputs. With the obvious being there are no hoses inside your room, you thought you’d try out something new - swinging while throwing dry pasta on yourself.
Really Addie?! Pasta?
Here’s the thing, this journey goes through phases. For years we followed you around like a hawk watching your every move, But like every child (neurotypical or not), there comes a day when the need for independence slaps you in the face. With you it was you saying “goodbye” then closing your bedroom door in our faces! Feeling that your “independent spaces” were safe, we didn’t worry too much for this independent phase and need.
On this day nothing seemed out of the ordinary as you were up and down the stairs, and in and out of the backyard seemingly happy most of the day. It wasn’t until that evening that I went upstairs to grab your blankie (in an effort to help you relax for a family movie night) that I discovered the scene.
I opened your bedroom door and immediately felt a “crunch” underneath my foot. I remember thinking “what on earth?!” Upon further inspection there lie an empty box of spaghetti and a trail of pasta that blended into the carpet piled up everywhere. It was one of those parental moments where I seriously just wanted to close the door and walk away.
One thousand and one. One thousand and two...
Ok, so that wasn’t really an option, and it was gonna have to be cleaned up either now or later, so I decided to just get it over with.
It’s very true Addie that you never stop learning in life, and dare I say you learn something new everyday. This moment taught me that you can’t just vacuum spaghetti noodles up. You see Ad, I decided to go all in on passing the vacuum over the mess thinking it would break it up enough, but I realized pretty quickly that would be a negative ghost rider! All that does is clog the hose! As if I needed another task on top of this task! Calgon take me away! It took me 45 minutes of unclogging the vacuum, raking it into piles with my fingers, physically picking it up & putting it into the trash. THEN I got to vacuum the reminisce of small pieces before it was completely cleaned up.
Feeling I had learned my lesson and was gonna keep an eagle eye out for our new pantry thief, I failed and somehow the whole scene happened again literally the VERY NEXT DAY. Ahhhhhh! Seriously Addie - come on!!! I couldn’t believe it. I felt like it was a "shame on me" situation this time for letting it happen...again. But at least I was well versed at how to go about cleaning it up ;). You have to find a positive literally to keep from crying sometimes Ad.
Seems like the easy solution to all this would be a lock on the pantry and yes we may order one, but with the current situation it’s still gonna be a hot minute before it would even arrive. Knowing that, I decided in the meantime to duct tape all the remaining boxes closed and not just with any duct tape, Gorilla duct tape - the good stuff Ad! So hey, if you happen to get a box again at least there would be a significant amount of fine motor therapy involved in getting it open!
I might be delirious but I kinda felt like I won with that! Lol.
I know you’re struggling Addie. Mommy and daddy are doing some serious brainstorming on how to make this easier on you (and us!) hang in there and please forget everything I said about Gene Kelly and milk.
I love you. Hang in there.
Mom
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