Dear Addie,
I think you’d be hard pressed to find a parent that didn’t wish for just 5 minutes back with the smaller versions of the big kids before them. Don't get me wrong, it’s not that we don’t love what’s in front of us, but it’s just human nature to miss things we loved from our past.
This week I didn’t know that this wish was going to (in a roundabout kind of way) actually come true (and spoiler alert it didn’t even involve Marty McFly or a super awesome DeLorean).
It all started months ago in a Target (because why wouldn’t it) with a question about a pair of headphones you were wearing.
Allow me to explain.
While waiting in line with our party of five, the lady in front of us seem to be taking a particular interest in our chaos. Trying not to stare, she glanced over a few times with a very sincere smile, before finally inquiring whether the headphones you were wearing really in fact helping you? With the sincerity and genuine curiosity in her question we knew there was more to her story.
After a little light conversation about the headphones, the fact that you were still getting used to them and talk about your actual diagnosis, we’d find out she too had a little girl with autism, sharing similar struggles. For whatever the reason - maybe when you find out someone has a child with autism there's this unspoken connection, but when you find out they have a daughter with autism you feel like you've found another rare pearl in the ocean. Kind of a weird thing to say isn't it? But in 2018 the CDC determined that approximately 1 in 59 children is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Now here's the breakdown...
1 in 37 boys
1 in 151 girls
Making boys four times more likely to be diagnosed with autism than girls.
Let that sink in for a second. Kinda crazy stats right?! Now where was I, oh yes, back to the Target check out.
After talking for a bit, we exchanged contact information and I wasted no time befriending her on social media. Side note: I use social media a lot for advocacy of the journey we are on.
It was through this that we started to notice just how similar you both, our precious pearls were. At least a few times a month we’d reference needing to get you girls together for a play date, and the day had finally come.
With you both having the day off of school, meeting up at the park seemed like a no brainer perfect plan! But guess what Ad, we weren’t the only one with that plan because many kids were out of school. Ugh.
I arrived early (at a new park we’d never been to mind you) and with one look at the scene my anxiety was on the forefront. I tried to keep telling myself - it's just the park, all the kids are playing. But the devil on my shoulder kept saying, but the parents...
You see Addie, it's not usually the kids it's the parents. For the record in this scenario they were all innocent to my anxiety. All sipping their Yeti’s and Starbucks while their kids played. Maybe it wasn't anxiety, but a little bit of jealousy? There would be no Starbucks for me today - I'll need all hands on deck! It was busy! Surely I'll need a repeat button for my apologies for something dealing with behavior (comes with the territory) - sand being thrown, stealing of swings, shovels or snacks, cutting in the slide line, causing a traffic jam at the top of the slide because you're scripting a book that has a slide in it only to end that script with you licking, yes licking the slide - I have no idea why. Cue the weird parent looks.
All this going through my head and we hadn't even unbuckled our seat belts yet.
I’m an over thinker on some things if you haven’t noticed yet.
They had arrived. I took a deep breath and we walked over for our introduction.
Your initial introduction was Savannah's mommy asking her to say “hello” to which without skipping a beat you listened to her prompt and shouted back ”hello!”
She stood there smiling. This is when I felt like I stepped out of the delorean.
Those little sparkling eyes and beaming smile spoke volumes. A language we were very well versed in and understood practically without question.
It felt like I was staring back at a younger you! How could this be?! I know all too well never to compare, but she was shockingly the same.
We went on to follow you both around the playground, spinning, swinging, licking the slide - I called it for the record. Then somehow we managed to get you both away from the playground (way easier than I thought it would be) to just an open field of leaves. We channeled our inner simplicity and threw the leaves in the air as you stimmed, flapped and bounced with excitement. At one point I looked over at Savannah tasting a leaf and then looked over at you who was enjoying a lunch portion of leaves yourself. Not exactly behavior we condone on the regular, but neither of us seemed to find any weirdness in this scene unfolding either. Tasting the outdoors is a pretty normal occurrence.
We don’t do many play dates Ad, because interacting with others isn’t exactly a natural thing for you. This might make me sound not exactly like mother of the year but there is also an unpredictability that can leave mama if I’m being honest utterly exhausted as well. There’s a lot of unknowns.
Today was different.
The two of you, our beautiful pearls, were communicating with each other. She would make sounds and you’d reply in the same fashion - a level of conversing all your own. It was as if you knew she didn’t have her words yet, but there was no need to worry because you knew her language all the same.
There were no tantrums or meltdowns, just two happy girls at a park.
We tried to get a picture of the two of you together (OK it was more like a thousand pictures) and all I kept thinking was - I was looking at you then and you now. A sweetness overload right before our eyes. An image of pure perfection.
*For the record this is what I think is the nonverbal equivalent of what stop taking our picture looks like. They both simultaneously turned their backs to us.
Addie all because someone asked about a pair of headphones, I selfishly was able to go back in time if only for a moment. All this while meeting an amazing family following a similar journey.
I see many more play dates in our future.
Great job Ad.
Love,
Mom
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