Dear Addie,
You never know when or where a reminder of this journey will present itself. Most days, I go about my business and don’t give autism a second thought. I know that sounds odd, especially since I write so many of these letters, but I digress. Our life, while probably different from most, is still fluid and natural within what we consider our "normal." Having said that, my friendly reminder happened recently at Target, because why wouldn't it be there?
There I was, standing in line as the cashier scanned my items. It was an unusually quiet moment for me, especially since you were at school and I was alone that day. Normally, the person working would engage with you calmly, asking how your day was going. In response, you'd shout back, "Bad!" because you were annoyed that I asked you to wait to open your M&M's in the car. I know I'm terrible, and being a teenager is hard and you want everyone to know that. Heavy sarcasm there kiddo.
On this particular day, I discovered a memory-matching game that I thought you'd enjoy. It checked so many boxes for educational value and fine motor practice, making it a perfect purchase in my mind. Full disclosure: I pay no attention to the recommended ages for toys or games since I believe you are well beyond what is usually suggested.
That was the last item I placed on the conveyor belt. Moments later, a young couple approached—a dad pushing a shopping cart with an adorable toddler inside, and a mom gently cradling her pregnant belly. As they began unloading their cart, the dad looked at his wife with confusion and asked, "Is that our game?" She glanced over and replied, "Oh, no, we got the same one though!"
During this exchange, I made eye contact with the mom, who innocently said to me, "Oh, how funny! We have the same game! How old is your little one?" My heart sank a bit, as I realized this could become awkward after my response. I paused for a moment and then said, "Um, she’s 13 and much bigger than me!" hoping to lighten the mood. Right or wrong, I then mentioned that you have autism and that the game addresses all my concerns regarding education and development. She replied, "Good for you," which I interpreted as an understanding acknowledgment of the silent struggle in parenting—where we're all just trying to do our best for our kids, no matter where they are in life.
Once I embarked on this journey, I was given a full-time role in advocacy. I like to emphasize to people that our differences make us unique, yet despite these differences, we still share many similarities. Even if you and the other child in the front of that buggy at Target aren’t the same age, you will both benefit from the game in the same way. As parents, we likely purchased it with a similar mindset.
This week, I was reminded of our differences in our journey, but also an equally important reminder of our similarities.
I love you the whole world full Addie.
Love,
Mom
The Remarkable Ones
Author: Unknown
They walk a path that's different,
But they shine just as bright,
These children who are remarkable,
In their own unique light.
They are the ones with special needs,
But that term is just a mask,
For they are not limited by it,
It's just another task.
They see the world in different ways,
And that's a gift, you see,
For they bring fresh perspective,
To life's complexity.
They may struggle with communication,
But when they find their voice,
It's like a symphony of beauty,
That fills the world with joy.
They may not move like others do,
But they still run and play,
And they teach us how to see the world,
In a different kind of way.
They may need some extra help,
But that's no burden at all,
For we all need someone to lean on,
From time to time when we fall.
They teach us patience and kindness,
And they show us how to care,
For they are the remarkable ones,
With so much love to share.
So let us celebrate their differences,
And let us learn from them too,
For they are the remarkable ones,
And they deserve our gratitude.
For in a world that often judges,
They remind us of what's true,
That every child is special,
Each one remarkable, through and through.
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