Dear Addie,
Having children is far more than I think anyone imagines it to be. There is a love that is no doubt so deep and almost indescribable for our children that we as parents gladly sacrifice sometimes our own physical and emotional health and well being without even realizing it.
Any new parent can remember the first time their child slept a solid 8 hours. Moms and dads, all the same, would wake in a panic and rush to their child’s room to make sure everything was ok! Only to realize their sweet bundle of joy was just fine and still happily dreaming away. Now if they were a breastfeeding mama this is when they realize they are now covered in milk from that precious gift of sleep and are suddenly in another new position to get a shower before their baby awakes - and perhaps dare I say they may also be questioning when the last time they took a shower even was? True story - mommy brain is a thing Ad. Or without a tiny human in a bouncy seat watching them? I know silly right?! Motherhood is legit having your own personal audience for the rest of your life.
This day of unexpected, blissful sleep every parent remembers because with that much-needed rest they now felt like a million bucks and ready to take on the world! It’s as if they flipped to a new chapter in parenting. But I digress...
While we are well into the thick of parenting I will say this autism journey can sometimes feel like we are always waiting for that 8 hours of sleep. It’s a constant mental game of always trying to stay 10 steps ahead of someone who always seems to be 5 steps ahead, to begin with.
But this week Addie, was a really good week. A week that a once younger, fresh, frightened, confused, scared version of mommy only hoped one day would be the case because it felt so unobtainable and here we are living it.
This week was a much-needed boost for our emotional, physical and mental health Ad. For all of us.
I wish I could have told that version of mommy many years ago to take a deep breath and that this week would come. That this week we’d sit through brothers basketball game, happily at that with no auditory distress.
Where we’d make it a whole week sans meltdowns at school actively participating every step of the way, where we went to bed and woke up without issue and in a good mood. Where your language made great leaps and you started to break out of the echolalic responses that we’ve grown so accustomed to and are hearing You rather than a parroted version of us!
This week I felt like I could take on the world. Like I finally had 8 hours of sleep.
You see Addie there is no way of knowing what's to come on this journey. The name of the game is to just keep moving forward and enjoying every ounce of what we can. I wish I could’ve told my younger self to worry less, but that’s not how life works. We don't get a rewind button. Sad but true. Here's what I do know though, the more we move forward, the more I’ve come to realize that life is much like a rose bush.
"Some people are always finding fault with nature for putting thorns on roses;
I always thank her putting roses on thorns."
~Alphonse Karr~
Those thorns Addie are all the unknowns, hardships and challenges in our lives and if you’ve ever seen a rose bush you’d know they outweigh the blooms greatly. I believe there’s something to be said in that I'm sure. We will journey up the stalk encountering many unknowns on the way. Some sharper than others but if we are patient, consistent and endure some scratches we will make it to the top to set eyes on the beautiful blooms that the journey has to offer.
This week we smelled the roses Addie. We made it to the top.
We will have many more stalks to climb in our lives baby girl, but I promise the blooms are worth the journey.
Keep climbing sweetie.
Love,
Mom
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