Dear Addie,
With our Jeep Wrangler literally packed like a sardine can, I was feeling pretty happy that this was only going to be a 3 hour drive (just one of the many reasons to love North Carolina - a day trip can take you to some of the most beautiful beaches on the east coast!)
Day 1: Let's do this!
These days you love to be in the car. Fact. I guess it's a good thing too because with our current position on this autism journey, it is our travel option of choice. Or should I say you're not exactly ”airplane ready” just yet ;)
Now, no situation is outstandingly perfect, but some are certainly better than others, and your love of road trips still comes with your refusal to wear headphones consistently, constantly requesting ”a change please” for songs or talking on the radio that causes you auditory distress, and a bit of sibling fighting with your hypersensitive auditory processing, and big sister Clara’s Tourettes - fun! (heavy dose of sarcasm there baby!)
It's just 3 hours I kept repeating in my head...
Your visible excitement was hard to miss as we drove over not one, not two, but three bridges to get to our final destination. You could tell we were going somewhere fun and your stimming and happy squeals were simply adorable.
You were Excited!!
When we arrived at the rental house your demeanor quickly changed from excitement to utter confusion. All of a sudden nothing about this looked fun to you. Surely you were thinking, what the heck?! No water, nothing to jump on or in, no swings, nothing to climb on but a bunch of stairs only to get into a house. A house? Really? What is happening here?! You knew we passed water along the way, which to you only meant one thing! So you quickly retreated back to the Jeep, buckled in and demanded something better than a house.
”Ah beach, please.”
Now surely we weren't going to deny you a visit to the beach, it was the heart of this trip after all, but it did take about 15 minutes of reasoning to get you back inside to get a bathing suit on so we could go.
Bathing suits on and getting close to that time of day (or evening rather) that's not exactly advised to swim at unless you wanna be a shark treat, we were headed to the beach. You were amped up at your new surroundings, and the possibilities of frolicking in the ocean along with mama’s shark anxiety pushed to full throttle - recipe for disaster?...perhaps. Here we go!
You were all smiles and feverishly stimming when you saw the water! You wasted no time at being “all in” like you were leading in an ironman competition! Nope, no testing the waters for you - you have more of a cannonball approach.
Day 1 (or the first 45 minutes rather) of the beach and we realized this was going to be a lot of work keeping you safe! You would've swam straight out to the middle of the ocean had we let you! My heart was seriously in my throat the whole time.
With the sun setting it was time to head back and settle in for the night. You on the other hand felt very differently and had no problem voicing your displeasure for the whole Atlantic coast to hear. This epic tantrum resulted in both mommy and daddy having an arm in taking you back to the car, but of course not without a heavy dose of stares from beach goers heading home for the night as others filtered in for a view of the sunset.
Hello everyone, the Menzo’s circus has arrived! Get a good look! We’ll be here all week...
You were so upset that we decided to drive around for a while in an effort to calm you down, but our efforts fell flat. You were now an overly distraught, screaming, drooling mess and it was time to just call it a night.
Understandably not being super familiar with this new environment, you wanted me to lay with you, and before I knew it, my emotions got the best of me, and I began to cry. This was day 1, and I already wanted to go home. Now. Pack it up... we out.
Addie, we are all human, not superheroes, so we CAN break down when life gets hard. I'd be lying if I said this journey didn't come with more than my fair share of breakdowns, but mommy and daddy always try our best to limit the amount of stress or breakdowns that any of you see us endure. Having said all that, in that moment Gabe walked in. Him walking in on me, sad, confused, spend, and crying isn’t one of my better moments in motherhood. He spent the remainder of this trip constantly asking if I was OK, stressed out or if I needed help. As sweet as he is, an 11yr old shouldn’t need to worry about his mother crying on vacation - but he did. Ugh.
Day 1 In the books. Safe to say nobody was feeling super relaxed just yet and mama wanted to go home.
Day 2: A chance for a fresh start!
Today we had planned to see the sand dunes. Hands down what we thought would be the absolute highlight of the trip for you! You LOVE dirt and sand! Being hyposensitive to touch - grainy, rocky textures are your jam! The more intense the feeling the better! No doubt this was going to be a win-win all the way!
With Gabe and daddy having visited here a few weeks prior, we followed their lead when they said we didn’t need shoes. Well most of us anyway, you on the other hand were a little agitated this morning and refused to go without shoes or to wear them on the correct feet for that matter. Not a battle I was interested in investing energy in so no shoes for us, shoes for you and we were off.
Mark it Ad - we should’ve followed your cranky, agitated lead! One small detail the boys forgot about their last visit, they went in the evening NOT late morning/early afternoon, the sand was soul crushing, molten lava hot!
We eventually had trudged through enough sand to find a nice spot to sit and really take in the whole sight of it all. Ah yes, endless amounts of sand. A hilly desert if you will. You sat, turned to dad and said “a ocean please!” When dad replied saying there was no ocean here, well that answer simply didn’t sit well with you and you got up and proceeded to trudge your way further, clearly thinking we were just fools and the salty ocean paradise was just over the hill!
Not wanting to witness the meltdown of disappointment when there was in fact no water beyond that hill with our feet officially melted off into liquid puddle of lava, feeling like we’ve been walking on burning hot coals (and not in a mind over matter self awareness retreat kind of way) “a ocean please” was sounding like a pretty good idea right about now! So we headed back to the car, went home to get bathing suits and off to the beach to cool off.
After a much needed cool down at the beach, we ordered pizza and daddy went and bought ice cream for us all to enjoy at the house - the day may have started off rough but ended up being a okay in the end.
Day 3 - The whole reason for taking the Jeep.
This morning while the preteen and teenager of the house enjoyed a little extra summertime snoozing, daddy took a walk with you to the all inclusive town park RIGHT NEXT TO OUR HOUSE! Godwink? I’d say so! You played and explored until it was time to venture home for a super fun day that daddy has been waiting for since he’s starting owning Jeeps!
That’s right Ad, today was the day we were going off-roading on the beach to hopefully see wild horses! Truly a once in a lifetime, super cool opportunity and the whole reason we did not enjoy the luxury of my much more roomy minivan on this trip. Side note: My swagger wagon is amazing, and luxurious, like a Ritz Carlton on wheels, the kind with an infinity pool, and my very own suite with a fireplace and hot tub. But one thing it’s not - is off-roading material.
With just a short 30 min drive from where we were staying, some adjustments to our tire pressure and this was really happening! Coming around the bend opening up to the beach was honestly a breathtaking and very picturesque sight. It was like we were in our very own Jeep commercial!
It didn't take long before this picturesque scene, and our excitement at the thought we may come upon some wild horses was brought to a screeching (or should I say screaming) halt. You saw one thing, and one thing only - the ocean.
”a ocean” ”a ocean” ”a ocean” as you're attempting to remove your clothing while still remaining buckled. Our answers of ”later” or ”first horses, then ocean” fell on deaf ears. “A swim please?” “A beach please?” These iterations on the same thing while innovative, didn’t change the results. Not right now.
The screaming, hitting, drooling escalated to a point where we had to stop and I traded seats to keep Gabe safe who was in the current line of fire of your left hook. Damn girl, you gotta swing on you!
We didn't make it too much farther down the beach before abandoning our mission. While we did see an awesome flock of pelicans and numerous piles of horse evidence (if you catch my drift) - horses were not seen by the Menzo’s today.
You went into complete meltdown mode for the next 4 hours...no exaggeration. Every calming tactic or trick in our bag was useless. I even messaged a special needs social media group asking for advice (or sanity) - it was awful.
This was suppose to be fun and exciting, instead it was utterly exhausting and frustrating. I felt every bit of failing at not only making family memories here, but parenting on this journey. I couldn’t make this better, you were just so far gone in a meltdown now. Even Clara and Gabe at this point didn’t want the windows down because we were making such a scene.
Can we go home now?
Day 4 - The time had come to outsmart the sharks!
That’s right Ad, I own my craziness of shark anxiety, but after doing some research I found these Sharkbanz things that are suppose to act as a shark deterrent. Here’s the thing, y’all love the ocean, and I love you not being shark treats, so I’ll try just about anything to keep you safe and ease my anxiety! Only problem was when I found them we were leaving for vacation the next day so we would have to wait and get them delivered to the beach house. Today was the delivery day!
Now with our whole family armed with giant ankle bands making us look like we’re under house arrest - we were ready for what we hoped would be a shark free beach day!
Throwing caution to the wind, your eyes did not deceive you, yes I too was body boarding and frolicking in the ocean waves. I also learned today that a one piece bathing suit is far more practical than a two piece for the ocean. I owe an apologize to anyone who may have seen more than they bargained for.
While your mood was much better today, your signature screaming still reared its head in the afternoon for awhile. You can take the girl out of Holly Springs, but the scream is coming too! It’s still gonna take some time to settle into being truly comfortable elsewhere. Comes with the territory on this journey.
With that we were still feeling incredibly blessed that we are in a house and not a hotel.
Day 5 - It wouldn't be vacation if we didn’t cut your hair.
After an extra long day at the beach the day before, we decided to take it easy today. We slept in, took a trip to the park, Clara and Gabe participated in an art class in town, you took full advantage of this house vacation including a kitchen with “make a pizza” oh and then “make a taco” - clearly you were craving your favorites today, you and I also hung outside and played in “the snake” (that’s what you call the garden hose),
Daddy and Gabe visited a tie dye shop and made super cool shirts, and you my dear even conquered your fears and insanely enjoyed a water balloon fight! Addie I never ever, ever, ever thought in a million years I’d ever hear you say “a balloons please!”
Today was a good day, with minimal outburst if any, so what better day for us to cut your hair. That’s right Ad, the salt and sand were definitely winning over our extra conditioner remedy so it was time. I mean, Isn’t that what everyone does on vacation with a pair of random scissors you just happen to find in your luggage?
Day 6 - Independence Day!
Today we spent almost the whole morning and most of the afternoon at the beach. In case you were curious our Sharkbanz were still going strong or at least no one was missing any limbs thus far.
Daddy made pina coladas (yet another plus of having the house), we played at the park again, enjoyed more water balloons, and saw a fabulous fireworks display right from our porch - you didn’t stay awake for that, but it was really awesome.
Day 7 - Our last day to take it all in!
Today daddy, Clara and Gabe woke up early to watch the sun rise and chase around crabs on the beach.
Disclaimer: no crabs were harmed, in fact no crabs were even caught.
What started so rough because it was new and unfamiliar had evolved into familiarity and comfort. You can take a vacation from your daily life, but you can’t take a vacation from autism. It is us. Today, tomorrow, here, or there. It is who we are. But, we found a place that worked for you, for us all really, and in the end the comfort and magic of this place called for us to have it as our own... could it be?
Until next time, Honus Hideaway, next time...
Love,
Mom
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