Dear Addie,
A creature of habit, our mornings are almost always the same – except some days are quieter and calmer than others. It’s on these days when you wear the marks of a full night’s rest across your body and all but consumed with the imprints on your skin. “What on earth are you talking about mom!?” Let me explain…
I don’t think it’s any secret that individuals with autism almost always (and I feel confident saying that) struggle with sleep. If you’re a family in this situation you’ve probably got an arsenal of lavender products, weighted blankets, compression sheets, fans, oils & meds on hand. We run the gambit, eventually finding our magic mix of things that get you (and us) some sleep… only for it to all change again a month later. It can be overwhelming and exhausting but has also just become a thread woven into our everyday blanket of life. A frustrating time not only for us but more so for you.
For as long as I can remember you’ve been attracted to a tactile approach to understanding things in life. You prefer to be barefoot so you can feel the ground, shoes to you only act as a barrier leaving you feeling more of a sense of floating rather than grounded and balanced.
You prefer to lay on hard surfaces for the very same reason. It wasn’t uncommon for us to find you curled up sleeping on top of your dresser when we had it in your room, out like a light. Water has and always will be a great sensory attraction for you, providing activation to all sensory points on your body, leaving you at your very calmest…beach anyone?! Seriously, you’d be a water-logged raisin if allowed!
A sensory toy of any kind has also been known to help a great deal, not only with your mood, but also your focus. On these mornings when you’ve not been up “partying” (as we like to joke when you wake up every hour), and you awake full of what I always call “sheet marks” or imprints left on your skin from your sheets, blankets or jammies when you sleep in a deep REM cycle. You know a sleep that is so good that you barely change positions during the night - life is calm. A delicate balance of sleep and the temporary imprints on your skin. You sit there rubbing your fingers across your arm, back and forth, and all around. Tracing the lines as I brush your hair and teeth. There’re no outward expressions of displeasure of tasks that historically result in a negative response from you – just calm.
But the imprints are temporary for as fast as they are noticed, they are all but gone by the time we are dressed and ready for our day.
Addie, we have hit a new stage of life and there is much that you cannot feel in a tactile way. Hormones and emotions are changing by the minute and their imprints can’t be traced. We’ve been through many phases on this journey where I thought “wow that was tough” and I didn’t think it could be any harder – ha! Cue the hormones! Our new task at hand has been trying to find outlets for you to work through the surges of internal imprints so the rest of us can avoid walking on eggshells.
I came across a great quote the other day:
“Everything in life is temporary. So, if things are going good, enjoy it because it won’t last forever. If things are going bad, don’t worry it can’t last forever either.” ~unknown
Addie life is full of a ton of imprints some we can feel and some we just can’t, enjoy those good ones and as for the bad ones, while it might seem like nothing makes sense and the world is caving in on you – remember it’s only temporary and we are here for you while you are learning to work through this chapter of your life.
Now if we can work on more “sheet mark” type sleep days…
I love you.
Mom
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