Dear Addie,
It might be safe to say that there probably isn’t a parent out there that doesn’t remember their child’s first words (but seriously I have no judgment to anyone who found those beginning years a blur and truly doesn’t remember...).
Whether they were speaking, signing, or using a tablet, there’s something about that moment (at least for me) when our mini-humans (that’s you, baby girl) start communicating in a way that we completely understand. There’s something about you in those moments that just becomes more real. I know that sounds totally weird, doesn't it?.
This moment is one of those many joys that parenting brings us - a wildly unique experience for everyone that can leave your heart suddenly bursting with happiness. But, (there’s always a but right?!) for those of us on this journey, it comes with a very unique map filled with more twist and turns of patience that you could ever imagine, and a good number of autism parents can find themselves waiting longer than most - or maybe even their whole lives to experience this communicating joy I’m talking about.
Communication is interesting in that many people believe its very significance is just as important as breathing. I do agree that communication does facilitate the spread of one's personal knowledge and plays a huge part in relationships between people - but if this journey has taught me anything is that communication can be wrapped in about a bazillion different packages. Engagement therapy anyone?
This type of communication I’m referring to is not by any means downplaying the significance of a look, sound, or a guiding hand leading someone to what you need - those are how most of our beginning years, and still today how a lot of your communicating is done. I’m talking about communication that is accustom to what we as your parents are familiar with. Speaking - I can speak with my voice, signing - I can use ASL, a tablet - I can read words. These things make communication feel somewhat like we’ve leveled the playing field.
Ask anyone that has a non-verbal child and I promise there’s still communication there.
For us, your words came at 3 years old (closer to 3.5 if I’m being honest) spontaneously saying “bless you” when Gabe sneezed in the car. Wait, what?! Our baby, the silent child, said clear as day words - and in an appropriate context? If ever I wish I had a camera recording... it was in this moment that I officially knew you understood way more than we (yes I admit that) or many others gave you credit for.
While that moment is forever etched in my heart, it would be months before more language would emerge, and when it did eventually show up it came with more education on something new - echolalia. Echolalia is a term for when someone repeats what is being said to them. Some people also call this “parroting.” Your echolalia was sprinkled with not just words, but sounds for added excitement.
Shortly after the emersion of echolalia, we'd discover scripting. The Princess and the Frog, and Doc McStuffins - you could recite lines perfectly at any time of day from these shows, but you couldn't gather the words to ask for a cup of milk. Seriously the processing of the brain is super fascinating to me.
You see Addie most 2-3-year-olds (I say “most” because of that lovely developmental milestone chart we get to compare our children to, but a child can very well just be a delayed talker THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY HAVE AUTISM - now where was I, oh yes...) they are forever pointing and asking questions. “What’s that? What’s that? What’s that?”, and let us not forget everyone's favorite follow-up questions at 3-4 years of age of “why?” Inquisitive to their core, eagerly taking it all in.
Your 2-3yo years were quiet, not inquisitively speaking, but inquisitively seeking. You spent most of your time sensory seeking, and with more knowledge under my belt now perhaps you were trying desperately to make sense of why everything didn’t feel quite right, or why it felt a certain way to you - sounds, textures, language. Processing it was all confusing and exhausting, and some of it just felt wildly unnatural.
Most of your language today is still echolalic. If I ask “how was school Addie?” You almost every time (if you choose to respond at all) will say “how was school Addie?” In other words, a very one-sided conversation between two people. Not to be confused with the minimal middle schooler conversation of “how was school today?” only to get “fine” - but I’d jump for joy and be A-Okay if you said “fine” in response to me some day Ad, just in case you were wondering ;).
Every day is the same for us, a groundhogs day only to be tweaked here and there rolling into a series of more repetitive days. As we are getting ready for whatever we are doing that day I talk to you like you are going to spontaneously start a two-sided conversation. Now that might seem silly to some knowing I’m probably going to get nothing but an echo of myself, but to us, you're a person who very much deserves our time and attention, and even if it’s just repeating what we say back, it’s good phonetic practice of words right?!
On this day we were getting ready for camp and I was helping you tie your shoes (you haven’t quite mastered that just yet), and I was striking up a fairly normal conversation with you.
“Are you excited about farm camp Addie?”
You reply, “farm camp!”
Then I asked, “Do you like farm camp, Addie?”
You reply, “farm camp!”
Continuing with my shoe-tying engagement conversation I asked, “What’s the weather look like for the farm today Addie?”
You lifted your head from focusing on me tying your shoes, looked outside, then replied “Sunny!”
I immediately looked up! Wait what?!?! I asked Clara who was sitting right there if she heard what I heard and she enthusiastically said “Yes mom! Addie just said sunny!”
You answered me and not just answered me, you thought about it and it was legit sunny outside!
My heart just burst with happiness again, at 9.5 years old.
Addie, our life can be downright hard, but my God it has got some of the very best unpredictable heart bursting with joy moments life can offer too.
Yes baby girl, today was sunny and I hope you got to enjoy all the rays you could catch out on the farm.
I love you so much.
Love,
Mom
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