Sunsets

Dear Addie,

One of the hardest things to get use to on this journey is the unpredictability that comes along just about every day.

For example, some days I think you love butterflies, and a trip to the butterfly house would be amazing! That is until we arrive, and realize rather quickly that butterflies aren’t the fastest of flyers, and enemy number one turns out to be you! Insert us running for the exit with both mommy and daddy clutching tight to both of your hands dodging a lot of mortified stares from bystanders. We know you weren’t trying to hurt them, you just wanted a closer look, but for the safety of the species - we out! Or how about when we’ve cleaned our whole house top to bottom, and not a single visitor comes by. That is until the minute we burn a salmon dinner, there’s dust bunnies literally in every corner of the house and enough dog hair on the floor and furniture that could fool people into thinking we own a dog sled team, the dining room table is buried with Christmas stuff long after the holiday season, junk mail and school project supplies are piled high, if I’m being honest maybe even an empty wine glass from a day when I walked in there thinking I just needed some liquid courage to conquer the mess but enjoyed the courage instead and retreated on the task. For the cherry on top, you happen to be having one of your famous “clothing optional” days - yes baby, that’s when everyone we know comes over and every solicitor in town knocks on the door. Perfect.

“The house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it!”

In my heart I hope this is a wildly relatable scenario for most, but maybe that’s just us?

This weekend, while away at our happy place, we were reminded of just how unpredictable life can be.

Allow me to explain.

You see Addie, we had been riding on top of the world smelling the roses for quite some time now. Having been here so long dare I say maybe we had started to view the world through rose colored glasses? So much so I’m embarrassed to say we unfortunately hardly noticed your agitation on this morning. Looking back now, it was there we just didn’t see it.

It was Monday, a holiday for most, school was out, but daddy had work for the day. No problem there! The rest of us were busy perfecting the art of chillaxing. You on the other hand were in and out of the backyard, swinging, snacking, very sensory seeking. Later that day we had planned to visit one of our favorite OBX spots, The SeaGreen Gallery.

This place is awesome Addie! It has a gallery that is full of repurposed antiques, local art and nautical everything, jewelry, sea glass, crystals, shells, fossils and recycled art. Some of the absolute coolest pieces of art I’ve ever seen made from recycled license plates, bottle caps, album covers, hubcaps and so much more. All for sale! You could literally spend hours in there and not see everything, but you would want to stay so you could!

As if that wasn’t cool enough, they also have the neatest, whimsical garden out back. It has garden art, nautical and farm antiques, driftwood and local beach finds surrounded by water ponds, and a lush garden inhabited with turtles, rabbits and chickens! Clara is obsessed with chickens after raising them at school. When we go it’s not uncommon for most people visiting to think she works there because she without question and effortlessly picks up a chicken and carry’s it around like she’s been doing it for years. You on the other hand have a pattern of walking on the garden paths, and stopping to visit the turtles.

It’s the same experience every time we go. Routine. Consistency. Sometimes there’s more people, sometimes less, but the outcome is always the same for you.

Until this day.

All was going seemingly normal. We had arrived and you happily bounced your way to the back of the store, heading straight for the gardens to see your turtle friends. Little did we know that they were doing renovations and most of the area was blocked off to visitor access.

With Clara happily holding a chicken, you on the other hand were contemplating just how you were gonna get over this barricade. You had to follow the routine. It was necessary in your mind.

We tried the best we could to distract you, showing you chickens, and spinning garden art, but that wasn’t what you wanted to see and you were about to let us know.

Seeing your agitation with this situation growing, you were stimming faster and faster. We tried to redirect you to leave but that only increased your anger. You were now getting louder and louder, your body stiff and rigid. It was routine for you to follow the path and see the turtles and it wasn’t going to happen.

Clara and Gabe had made their way back inside by this point and in no way were you going to follow suit. Nope… insert the death drop in full effect. Ah yes, the death drop. The go to move that every toddler specializes in. You know, the one where the parent tries to grab you under the armpits but your arms go straight up leaving the parental grasp to that of wrestling a soapy piglet? Not that it’s easy with a toddler, but a child closer to 100lbs rather than 50, it becomes a whole new wrestling match. Ticket worthy I’m sure.

Daddy and I looked at each other and immediately looked for an exit. Safety for you, others (and the chickens!) was important. Nothing. The only way out was through the store that was full of people and one swift kick could’ve taken out a whole lot of product - we knew right then and there we were somewhat trapped in this moment and were gonna have to wait this out.

It was just you, me, daddy and 4 chickens who looked equal parts curious to your displeasure and terrified of getting in your way!

A few more death drops later, we managed to get you to a bench to try and better redirect your attention by distracting you with counting. We rambled off a few of your other favorite things to do and managed to get you moving towards the exit with going to see the beach. (Side note: you’ve come a very long way with showing self-control at the beach. You will now get your toes wet yes, but you know it’s not summer yet and play a game of chance letting the tide follow you back up to the sandy beach, rather than slamming your whole body into the cold waves.)

I’m not gonna lie, I held my breath the whole way through the store. It seriously felt like a mile long.

Safe in the van and free of any major disaster, I felt we lucked out there. You see Addie, we were the only ones back in the gardens when this happened. When other people are around the whole scene can feel escalated x10. I feel like with just us (and perhaps some terrified chickens) it ended way faster than it could’ve. No one was hurt, nothing was broken and perhaps a healthy reminder that no matter how comfortable we are, we need to stay vigilant on the signs that maybe public places may not have been a good idea that day.

Realizing after that ordeal we decided to stick to outdoor activities (not within store gardens confinement) and we took a walk along a path by the Bodie island light house to see the sunset.

Sometimes a little fresh air and open space fixes everything.

Addie, I’m really sorry you didn’t get to see the turtles or walk your favorite garden path that day. I’m also sorry we didn’t see this might be coming. We know change is very hard to manage and is best done in small doses, but we are really proud at how you managed to pull yourself together in the end.

Life isn’t always going to follow your plan, but if you take a deep breath you may be redirected and find your way to a beautiful sunset.

I love you Ad. We got this. Together.

Mom