Dear Addie,
Last week we tried a new church closer to our home. Now I use the term “new” loosely because while it was new to our family as a whole, it was not to some of us, as we had been there many moons ago when big sister Clara was just a toddler. On this particular day, all was going well until a baby started crying sending an auditory assault signal straight to your core, causing you to give your very best velociraptor squeal, and then that’s our cue – let’s take a walk! This particular church has the most beautiful courtyard and I couldn’t help but think about how I was walking your big sister in this very place some 15+ years ago when she was a toddler.
It felt like a million years had passed but also like it was yesterday. There we were standing in the whiplash of our life. A feeling most parents can relate to when suddenly they see their once babies as grown, begging the questions of where did the time go? Did I appreciate it? Relish in all its messy joy and glory? Way back then, I couldn’t have imagined the journey we’d be on today as a family or the teenager that your sister has grown to be. Just how much living has happened since Clara’s hand was in mine in this same courtyard. My mind started racing through the years and I can’t help but think about what an independent, kind, wickedly talented person your, not only sister but brother have proven to be. It’s been years since I’ve been to the courtyard with either of them, yet here we are.
You see Addie, special needs families often live in the courtyard. As mentally and physically exhausting as it all is, we so often get to marinate here awhile longer. The once inquisitive squirmy toddler has been replaced with a stimming, flapping pre-teen, but the view is all the same – you still need us. While it can feel like we may never leave the courtyard (and dare I say sometimes it’s truly hard and we can’t wait to do so), others may be begging to walk there just one more time. What a blessing to see both views as I look at your sister who was once where we stand hand in hand who is now far from needing to be here with me anymore.
Addie, we went walking through the courtyard at church where perspective crept into my thoughts. A perspective that reminded me of what a journey parenting really is. It’s said that you won’t know the last time for something until it’s already gone and I believe there’s great truth in that especially when it comes to parenting your children, so let’s just enjoy this courtyard for as long as you need to because one day I’ll be saying “remember when…” when it comes to this very courtyard.
Love,
Mom
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