Dear Addie,
9 years ago, this week you were baptized in the St. Mary Magdalene chapel at the school where mommy works at.
It still amazes me to think of how much life we have lived since that day.
We didn’t have the slightest idea of the journey that was waiting for us, and somehow when I look at pictures from that day, I struggle to remember that time 9 years ago. The lack of sleep - I remember that, but the baby/toddler Addie day to day life, not as much as I’d like to.
After this photo was taken, life seemed to move at lightning speed. We moved multiple times and to multiple states, but then we set on our current journey back to North Carolina, where we were always intended to be. Home.
But when I look at this picture, I don’t remember that time in our lives. The smaller diapers and milk bottles. It’s all a blur.
In the years that followed, the journey would lead us to discover what real exhaustion feels like, endless worry, sadness that we really didn’t know how to parent you in the way you needed, our titles of mom and dad would get an upgrade of autism advocates, we’d become experts on topics and words we never thought in a million years we ever need or speak. But with all that came a positively overwhelming amount of joy that can literally bring us to tears witnessing the accomplishment of something seemingly simple.
So much of this journey is “survival parenting” - staying 10 steps ahead of someone already 5 steps ahead of us.
I hear it every day, people will tell you to take less pictures and live in the moment, but somehow these pictures, these memories, in “survival parenting” are all I have to remember just how far we’ve come. Our lives are so structured in routine, yet change like the wind we literally have no choice but to live in the now.
I’m proud to say I think we’ve mastered the art of living in the moment, because looking back is an exhausted blur, and the latter leaves us a bit anxious of what’s to come.
We live in the now. Right here.
Right now, you have grown tall enough for our locks that were installed to keep your Lewis and Clark adventurous explorer spirit safe and home.
Right now, you’ve decided your jammies can only be housed in the laundry room. Fun fact: now that you can reach the locks, if I’ve put them away you are sure to set me straight putting them right back.
Right now, you have a favorite oriental trading company magazine (yes, you read that correctly) that holds your attention way longer than most of your toys.
Right now, you love to ride daddy’s peloton bike - pretty fancy for a 9 year old ;).
Right now, we have discovered our favorite vacation getaway spot that brings a sense of joy and calm to everyone in our family.
Addie I take a lot of pictures it’s true, but we live in the moment and I promise you no matter what time we are in, that moment, that now, will always be my favorite now because you are here with us.
Our struggles are real, the exhaustion can leave us all a little delirious, but we don’t give up, we prevail and live in the moment together.
Love you baby.
Mom
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