Dear Addie,
And just like that, I’ve completed yet another trip around the sun. That’s right Ad I've officially gathered 40 stamps to my passport of life - mama is officially 40 years old.
40 years. Seems like a big number doesn't it?! Almost 30 more years than you! Or if we were money and you were a dime you’d need 3 more dimes to equal mommy! Ok, it’s official virtual schooling might be taking over my thoughts.
40 years. To be honest I’m not sure how I was supposed to feel at this point in my life. I mean I’ve never really taken the time (or had the time really) to sit down and vision this stage of my life in great detail. I can tell you this - in a million years there are parts of this year I never could’ve imagined. Global pandemic anyone?!
In these 40 years, I discovered and experienced quite a bit...
I’ve been pretty good at some things, and truly sucked at others.
I’ve been blessed to have given life and celebrated lives once lived.
I’ve trusted and then felt betrayed.
I’ve been thin, fat & squishy...
I’ve been happy and sad.
I've felt jealousy about how easily things fall into place for some people.
I’ve felt lost and confused then safe and confident.
I've felt the energy of 1000 suns and the need to sleep for a year.
I’ve been so sure about things and then felt regret.
I've cried myself to sleep and also been to excited to sleep.
I’ve been lost in questioning just about everything only to discover gut instincts are really a thing.
I’ve loved the sun but learned it doesn’t always love me back.
I’ve discovered my style is well...lack thereof. (Don’t underestimate a good pair of sweat pants baby girl ;)…
I’ve discovered in all the amazing friends I have, my very best friend is daddy.
I never thought I'd see my heart but I watched pieces of it walk around outside of me daily in my children.
And I've realized my greatest teacher thus far has been you, Addie.
In one breath I feel like I blinked and here I am, but in the same breath, I feel like I have already experienced a tremendous amount of life for someone my age.
It was on this journey that I truly learned what kindness looked like. What compassion was or why inclusion is so important. We’ve found strength when it seemed there was nothing left and realized that even the tiniest of accomplishments deserve a celebration. We’ve seen the true heart of people good and bad and for that I am grateful.
Of my 40 years, I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that this journey has probably been the hardest part, but it’s also been the most rewarding.
Addie, many years ago there once was a woman who was born deaf and blind. When it seemed all the odds were stacked against her she proved like none other her perseverance to thrive. Her name was Helen Keller. She went on to receive a Bachelor of Arts degree and publish many books and articles. Having been given a ticket to this journey, It’s her words that stick with me today.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
It’s often through the most unlikely of circumstances that we discover what life is all about. I believe that is where we find our peace and appreciation for this journey no matter how different a journey each of us is on.
I’m not sure what I thought 40 would look like but here we are and it looks pretty good.
Addie life isn’t always going to be easy but it isn’t always going to be hard either and that’s what makes it a journey, not a destination.
Can’t wait to see what we explore next!
I love you Addie.
Mom
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