Dear Addie,
If you were to ask any parent about the moment they witnessed their child's first word, you would likely receive a detailed and heartfelt response. This experience is so memorable that it remains forever etched in their minds. While there is a general chart for developmental milestones, including speech & communication, it's important to remember that not every child will follow this chart. However, that doesn't mean progress isn't being made.
Photo Credit: Leah Minogue
I’ll be the first to admit that progress on this journey has been a bit overwhelming at times and somewhat of a whiplash. For instance, you started walking at 7 months but didn’t begin speaking for years. You could use a spoon, yet to this day, you’ve never mastered the "J-Hook," but you still manage to get food into your mouth without making much of a mess. Honestly, it’s almost like a party trick to watch you accomplish that, but I digress. You could drink from a water bottle but didn’t use a cup until you were 5 years old, and you learned to use a straw much later. Still, you never went thirsty—there's always another way to get things done.
Parents instinctively become experts on their children, anticipating their needs and wants often with just a look, a point, or a simple non articulate sound. In my opinion, autistic individuals like yourself possess some of the most abundant survival skills, always figuring out how to accomplish tasks. It’s not that your way is wrong; rather, society often dictates that it should be done differently. So, you work hard every day to learn how to navigate our ways, while we, as your family, are equally learning how and why you approach things the way you do. It’s a constant process of understanding each other, every single day.
Some may wonder why we spend so much time helping you understand the norms of society. The truth is, one day the support we provide as your parents will no longer be available to you, and that is one of the biggest stresses of our lives. While this journey can feel challenging at almost every turn, we are also fortunate to have more of those lasting forever etched moments that will stay with us well beyond the years when most people experience them. This brings me to this week.
Let me set the scene.
You used to use an iPad quite often in your younger years, shapes, colors and puzzles were your favorite and if im being honest I've met to meet a kid your age who can quickly identify the difference between a trapizoid, pentagon, octogon and hexagon as accurate as you do - now we can't get you to use one, no matter how hard we try. However, you remain fascinated by others who use for communication and often will try to insert yourself into using their devices to which surely they find the appropriate button to politely send you on your way. Now a days for some reason, you prefer using my phone instead. You love to listen to a handful of your favorite songs, ranging from the soundtrack of *The Princess and the Frog* to Justin Timberlake's "SexyBack." Your musical taste is quite vast if I do say so myself.
When you request a song, I play it on my phone, and you settle in to listen. If you're wearing headphones, you remove one side to hear better, immersing yourself in the joy your favorite songs bring. With your hypersensitive auditory system, this is a moment when you have full control over the surrounding sounds. This usually lasts about five minutes, and then you move on to something else until you crave another burst of auditory joy. On this particular day, you jumped up from your seat, stood in front of me, and handed back the phone. I kept asking what you needed, and you kept repeating, "You need what?" After a few times, you stopped, stood quietly, looking into the distance, before turning back to me and saying, "Turn it up!" Sure enough, the volume was off, and you couldn't hear it. You struggled to find those words, but you did it, and once I turned up the volume, you happily sat back down to enjoy your auditory joy.
Addie, in a world where we don't have many, if any, back-and-forth conversations, the day you asked me to "turn it up!" will always be an etched and cherished memory in my mind.
Being Thanksgiving week, I am incredibly thankful for all the people who have guided you on this journey and for you, baby girl, for continuing to work so hard.
I'm forever proud of you, Ad. Keep it up!
Love,
Mom
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