Dear Addie,
I sat down to write to you and honestly didn't know where to begin. We are slowly falling into our new normal with the recent expected and unexpected changes that we've had. Our house seems so still and quiet right now, a far cry from the loud, constant motion we are accustomed to. I found myself outside in the garden a lot this week, working in the dirt among the trees, soaking in the peace it gives me while sitting with my thoughts. This is a new chapter for us on so many levels and with every new chapter comes reflection from those that have past.
Autism. A journey we never expected and then didn't know what to expect.
Addie to hear you now, some would never know that we wondered if you'd ever talk having been non-verbal for so many years. When people comment on your infectiously beautiful smile, they'd never know that while you can brush your teeth today we wondered if you'd use a toothbrush ever! You didn't brush your teeth for years because you couldn't handle the sensory assault of the sound & feeling brushing your teeth produced for you. Somehow we lucked out with Mother Nature's toothbrush of apples (for YEARS) and your pearly whites are still shining bright today, but I digress. We wondered if we'd ever sleep again, would you go to school and be able to communicate effectively, read, write, would you get dressed on your own, being routine dependant would we be able to move or relocate (you've moved 6 times for the record), buckle your seat belt, help bring in groceries or do simple chores, use a fork or spoon, drink from a cup or use a straw for that matter. Swim, hug or give us a kiss. USE THE POTTY CONSISTENTLY! These things I'm sure every parent wonders at one point or another, but for those of us on this journey, well, we just get the bonus of wondering a little (or a lot) longer - still waiting on that last one Ad ;) You got this!
Now while we've had plenty of chapters practicing patience and celebrating all of the accomplishments above that can seem so small to most, there were also the unexpected not-so-great chapters filled with regression, new behaviors, bullying, illness, or a flurry of medical tests for one thing or another. Life is all about balance I suppose.
Addie, this week we started a new chapter in our lives after an expected departure from big sister Clara heading off to college and an unexpected loss of our dear Ruby girl all on the same day. We don't get to read the chapters before they are published but the good news is we can always turn the page to a new one leaving us to reflect on how far we've come, how strong and resilent we are, or how much we loved - all shaping us into who we are today.
Forever proud of you baby girl.
Mom
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