Dear Addie,
Parenting is a wild ride; you could devour a wealth of knowledge from every book you can get your hands on and still not feel like you have a clue. God’s honest truth is that every child is uniquely different; what works for one might not work for the next. Parents of special needs children feel this to their core literally every day, but let’s be real - parenting whether it be neurotypical or special needs I think is just a whole lot of gut instinct, praying, laughing, crying, maybe some more crying and shooting from the hip. It’s a ride for sure.
The most obvious subject in parenting is teaching and guiding their youth in life, and while that may be accurate, I’ve also found in my 16+ years of parenting that I’ve learned a great deal from walking along right beside you all in this journey we are on. A true testament that you never stop learning in life no matter how old you are.
This week I found myself in a moment where everything around us didn’t matter, sadly an unusual feeling for me. True story Ad, I, your mother, constantly worry about everything around us people, the environment, sharks 😉 – you know the usual. I wanted to live that worry-free life that it seemed everyone around us had. Well maybe not the sharks, but you know what I mean… I use to get upset at myself for feeling this way but then I discovered it’s actually a natural reaction to want what you don’t have. Have you ever met someone with super straight hair that would die to have curly hair and visa versa? We only know what it’s like to have three kids and being on an autism journey. It’s hard to fathom if that was different. What would that be like? What do those challenges look like? Are there any quite like ours? Is the grass really greener? Those are actual questions we won’t get to know, but this week, I found myself just focused on you as if the world around me had been painted with watercolors.
You were happy, free, seemingly living without a care or fear in this world. It was my lesson to take in.
It’s with you that I learned silence can say so much,
That joy doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive but can be natural and lives in the simplest of things,
That preparedness no matter how hard you try isn’t always obtainable for a predictably unpredictable life, so you might as well just find the flow and go with it no matter how hard it may feel.
It’s with you that I get a front-row seat to what a complicated, messy, beautiful, loving life looks like and witness some of the greatest life lessons right in front of me.
Thank you for teaching me everyday sweet girl.
Love,
Mom
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