Dear Addie,
So, when it comes to parenting, I've come to learn that it can require far more than what anyone "pre-kids" ever imagines. When your kids are babies, you find yourself navigating your way by a method of generally shooting from the hip on any and every decision (at least for me). It all starts in the hospital, when after delivering your bundle of joy, you still look pregnant (I found myself wondering if they forgot one in there), parts of your body suddenly resemble well-known features of Dolly Parton, and you are now (just like your baby) wearing a diaper. But despite all this, and the hormone chaos happening in your body, we are trusted to leave with a small human and keep it alive! Totally not stressful at all! Lies!
Don't worry there's good news. Eventually, instinct takes over and you become an expert on your child. It's true (thank goodness). We are miraculously, instinctively wired to anticipate and meet our children's needs, and in the case of parents of special needs kids, we interpret some unique language (or complete lack thereof) for everyday things.
For example, to this day I don’t understand why you say ”butta butta ber” when you go #2 and need a diaper change, but then again I also know that means you need your diaper changed, so mission accomplished I guess. To make life more fun, when you're playing outside and sit in water making your diaper soggy you could say ”I need a diaper change please.”
Ah yes, association and language at its finest. Wet, or poopy it's still a diaper change just one gets English language and the other gets Addie language 101.
Autism and language - it's hard. With this creative association language, you my dear find yourself repeating things quite often. So much so that when you ask for something and I suggest something else (because the answer is ”no” and we are trying to redirect to avoid a tantrum or meltdown), you will repeat it over and over and over...
You get my point - I start twitching and you just think I'm not understanding you. As if you're saying no worries mom you’ll understand me eventually! Let's not give up!
Living next to the pool has got me twitching a little extra these days. It's summer swim meet season and our pool is pretty much locked up with swim practice or meets most nights for the summer. Ya know, the times we would go because you are still in school or just having an extra set of hands going with daddy after work. Now I'm not complaining, I get it. It just adds to our stress level and volume over here a bit.
Most days consist of you coming home from school, eating, running upstairs only to return with two mismatch bathing suit pieces (usually two tops or two bottoms) and requesting ”a kick kick kick?” which means you want to go to the pool. My art of offering other options generally falls flat when the pool is involved and you become a screaming hot mess, and somehow now are successfully wearing a bathing suit top as bottoms. Impressive Addie!
If I'm being honest, I didn't picture parenting to be a groundhog's day of the same foods, language, changing of diapers, being screamed at by a tiny person I made, or admiring unusual bathing suit fashion choices. But it is, and that's ok, because sprinkled in those repetitive days are moments of magic. It's true! They come when I feel like we as parents need them the absolute most, and I like to think of them as our ”Willy Wonka” moments.
No I haven't lost my mind (yet!) - stick with me here.
Sounds odd right? Now we don't turn into oompa loompas, or get to visit a chocolate factory. Nope these moments are like finding the golden ticket in your chocolate bar to be used for exactly what you need the most. This week I had my Willy Wonka moment - instead of my golden ticket getting me into a chocolate factory fun house, it was giving me an afternoon and evening of... wait for it...simplicity.
Although me to explain.
It was Tuesday night, Clara and Gabe were asking about dinner that I somehow forgot to plan for. Parenting fail. Using my ace that every parent has in their pocket I decided it was breakfast for dinner night, and pancakes were on the menu. Genuinely satisfied and dare I say excited, dinner was in the works, and better yet our young resident chef Gabe wanted to make them! Pretty sure that's double parenting points ;).
Right on cue you were coming down the stairs with your bathing suit in tow. You handed me not your usual mismatched suit requesting ”a snake please.” Wait? What? No "kick kick kick"? ”A snake” is what you call our garden hose. Did you really just want to play in the hose? Yes Addie, yes you did. And after I helped you get your suit on, you even said ”thank you!” before darting outside. What!?
You spent the next hour and a half playing in the hose, swinging, and waiting by our butterfly bush for butterfly friends to join you. There was no drama. No stress, just you being genuinely happy playing in the backyard with something as simple as the hose.
Now, this Willy Wonka moment is probably far from what anyone else would see as a golden ticket, but that's also what makes parenting unique and special for everyone. Some hope for the lottery or a beach vacation, but a hose (and some pancakes) was exactly the golden ticket I needed. My mommy reset button was pushed. Exactly what I needed.
With all the structured chaos, as well as a plethora of unexpectedness in parenting, there's also an overflow of blessings, fun memories and so much joy in knowing this - all of this - the good, the bad, the crazy - is our very own.
We all eventually get a golden ticket and the best part is there's no rules on what it can be used for because it's all yours.
Glad you had fun Ad. We needed this day to happen. I love you the whole world full.
Love,
Mom
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